No Impact Experiment - Day 4 Food/Day 5 Energy

I will keep this pretty short.

Food. 

Avoid the processed stuff. Keep local. Try going vegan. (we skipped this one due to Big B's dietary limitations. Sheesh..hard to keep up with all the health restrictions in this house!).

That was the upshot of this one. Pretty much describes our dietary lifestyle...except the vegan-ism.

We raise chickens..meaning lots of eggs. Generally speaking..we are pretty predictable in our diets.

Breakfasts: choices of fruit, eggs, toast, yogurt, oatmeal (non-instant) and we splurge on those darn 2 boxes of cereal a week.

Lunch: choices of more fruit, boiled eggs, sliced veggies, hummus, pita, dinner left-overs

Dinner: try to stick to Mediterranean Diet (primarily Sicilian..a little Greek) with a touch of tex-mex (it's a practical, regional thing)

Snacks: fruit, veggies,(see lunch options), and quesadillas. When it is hot we try to keep gazpacho, tabbouleh, or cucumber salad in fridge. When it is cold we try to keep soup in a crock-pot.

Now..where is this food coming from?We found 3 food items in our home that were outside of a 250 mile radius..production wise. Most of the food we consume is produced locally (like our backyard or Bandera county) some from SA area..and then 3 items (humus, pita bread..and a Cheeto bag. The Cheeto bag? No one seems to know from whence it came...) were produced farther away.

Energy.

yeah..well..we do consume it.

Taking an inventory of all products in our home that use energy and decide if we can eliminate or minimize it. We turned off the a.c. (when it gets in the high 80's..it's going back on..because it will quickly escalate to high 90's and it will take FOREVER to cool off again).  I unplugged the t.v. (Not so hard..we have done this numerous times before.) La familia is used to our NO TV tangents.

I actually felt myself sigh with relief when I unplugged the t.v.  I have thoroughly enjoyed this mind candy all summer..but it is preventing me from ..you know..letting my mind take a break from white noise and stuff. It also is the numero uno reason I have been too darn lazy to go to the river with Austen when his friends are in school. He keeps asking us. (no swimming allowed without someone with you has been a rule for Austen his whole life..) It should be for all of us..but with epilepsy? Not negotiable. So..I'm going to the river with Austen this afternoon. No more guilt!

  Computer? This is going to be the toughest one..I believe. I made a pact with myself to keep my computer use to one hour a day. It's something I've been needing to do for a while. But I can't speak for other family members. Will have to see what sort-of agreements we can come to. Fact is computers are the largest default activity in our home.

  Washer and Dryer? We use HE washer and dryer. I don't mind switching to line drying on my deck for a lot of items. Not too big of a switch..and with the extra time I've saved from computer/t.v. unplugged..I can do this.  Washer..I'm selfishly holding onto.

Cody reminded us that when he was in Europe very few people used a washer. I know he is right.Most of the world would say the same. However,.we have a little pee pot by the name of Levi. As a matter of fact, we have started singing "I'm a little pee-pot" to the tune of "I'm a little tea-pot." (uhm just that phrase..not the rest of the song) to Levi on a regular basis. He responds with grinning and trying to sing with us. But being a pee-pot is not the limit of his mess making. The kiddo also goes on spit-up binges. Poor guy. So this is my "justification" for not washing by hand. AND? One of the beauties of living in the West? A washing machine. So I am selfishly holding on to this luxury.

Those are the biggest energy consumers. The boys have been on my case for leaving too many lights on. They are right. As a matter of fact yesterday..they removed all the lightbulbs in the living room. I did not notice until evening. They grinned proudly saying We're helping you conserve energy!"

I made them put them back in so I could rock Levi while I watched t.v. (ugh..this sounds worse by the second) insisting that we were NOT on energy conservation yet. ..and my darling children? We're happy to let me know how pathetic I was...being as how, you know..(ahem, cough, cough)energy conscious, they themselves are.

So that is it. I have 20 more minutes left before I officially unplug for the day.

Back in a few days.

No Impact Experiment - Day 2 Trash/ Day 3 Transportation

Wow.

More trash than I care to admit.

Mostly? (I'm embarrassed to admit) disposable diapers. We do cloth diapers during the day and disposable when we are going out and at night...or if we have a lot of company. Note to self..much room for improvement here. Other than that? 2 plastic bread wraps, kleenex (which we'll honestly probably stick to) and lots of baby wipes. (which we also use to dust).

Interesting trade off I've made in my head. We stick to kleenex and baby wipes. Yet we use cloth napkins (paper towels are just for major cleans) and avoid paper plates and cups. We decided a  year ago to stick to real dishes unless we had over 20 guests. For some reason 20 is the magic number for us to switch to paper products.

Last night? First community dining of the year. 4 families..we used the real stuff:). Enjoyed some good food and conversation on the deck..

As for food trash. We already compost- mostly eggshells and coffee grounds mixed with small amounts of fruit and veggies. Bigger quantities of leftovers go to deer and chickens. We already recycle (aluminum, paper, glass and plastic).


We are also asked to minimize purchases of things in bags, boxes, cans. Other than small yogurts containers. (when we buy big containers..it goes bad before we finish), 2 cereal boxes a week and brownie mix box..we pretty much already do this. A necessity for Austen and his dietary restrictions. So really?

It is the diapers I need to be more conscious of. 

Today? Transportation.

We are to keep track of our transportation today...starting with looking at the food we eat for a day and where it has been transported from.

Simple:
Breakfast..oatmeal, fruit, toast, yogurt - all local
 Lunch: pita and humus (hah..GA and WI),boiled eggs- very local (backyard), fruit (local)
Dinner: cheesy-corn casserole..(venison..Big B hunted..local, corn..local..cheese..local..onion..local), the rest is fruit and veggies..all local

Next is to keep track of our own travel:

How convenient. We are having a pajama day today!..

Actually Austen will go to the Club later..he is volunteering and Tuesdays they do their city wide paper recycling.. He will take his bike!

Carpooling, biking and driving are the only real transportation options here in the Tx. Hills. Just no public transit to speak of. Walking? Maybe ...depends on what kind of time you have. At least 30 minutes to get to town...more important is the weather. Hard to convince yourself to walk in triple digit weather.

This IS our absolutely worst area of waste. Without a doubt. I do not see it changing any time soon.

We minimize our trips to other cities. Big B carpools to work. But soccer season will start soon. This is 3+ trips a week for Cody. I go into SA twice a week...to take Levi to my sister..and to bring him back. I am trying to combine all SA errands into those days.

Still there are 3-4 days a week when Cody, Austen, Levi and I stay home.  So maybe, just maybe? It sort-a balances. (sigh) ...or not...

No Impact Experiment -Day 1 Consumption

You know, there just isn't a whole lot to say about consumption. We all over-consume. That is a fact.

Since I spent yesterday driving to 4 stores and two cities trying to buy cloth diapers and a moby wrap so I could be more environmentally conscious and more comfortable with the kiddo...I am all too aware of how consumption oriented we are...and this is one of our stronger areas???

On a positive note..I did drift into the local farmers market...suggestion of the handy manual. Wow..best kept secret around! Now? I know where I'm headed first for produce. I even started thinking Hey..Big B and I could ride our bikes to this stand and bring back our fruits and veggies for the week every Saturday morning. (okay..most) It could be fun.  I haven't shared this with Big B yet.

The challenge today is to avoid  purchasing anything that is not necessary. Not just for today, but for the rest of the week as well. Now I'm aware that purchasing and consuming are two different things..but this is the task at hand. So.. Not a problem, we are pretty good about that already. The question is what do we need. Big B and I spend morning discussing the saying need what you want, don't want what you need.

He says this is all well and good, but he would like to purchase a vacation home with a view. I am incredulous. Really? I ask..Because this is necessary, why..exactly?  He responds (while half asleep under his pillow) because I was sitting in Clint's house, looking out at the hills from his window. It was so peaceful..I want a vacation place with a view.

You do realize, I ask(and this is a rhetorical question) that that is exactly what people say when they spend time on our back deck?  Big B heaves a large sigh.I know..but there are people here... THEN GO TO CLINT'S, I interrupt. Well...but then he wants to talk and stuff. (now even Big B is grinning..he knows he is being ornery)

I decide to ignore him. I read him the rest of the manual for the day..you know..free-cycle, dumpster diving, shop at second-hand stores, barter...

But we do these things! He says..I know, I respond, don't be too proud... let's be glad that there is one thing we do okay during this week...and besides, we are also supposed to keep track of our trash output in this recycle bag today. You know..to prepare for tomorrow's "assignment". We are pretty darn pathetic at that.


(Big B lets out a loud sigh)..Oh...if only we had that vacation home....(another big grin) I leave him day-dreaming.

I  take a quick look around our home before leaving for church. Most things we own have been traded, given as a gift or bought second hand.

We recently carved out a space for Levi in the morning room.

Everything seen here was found and repaired, bought second hand or traded..except for the crib mattress, pad and sheet..which were a gift form my parents.

At church we swap baby clothes with a friend of ours who is a foster-parent for infants. We exchange new-born sizes for 3-6 month.

We have a pot-luck. More sharing of resources.

This afternoon, Cody works on a car.  Notice the garage is still being built. Why? Because we have worked and bartered for most of the materials. It is a work in progress...and the entire reason Brian was at Clint's luxurious vacation home? Because they are swapping labor...building Clint's furniture repair shop for the guys automotive repair shop.




Austen helps me find a bag for our recycled trash: taco bag (why are we purchasing tacos??? We have plenty to eat here. The boys grin and shrug their shoulders), a filthy shop rag that is not to be reused, the bottom of a plastic chair?, and plastic wrap from hamburger buns and pita bread...which we fed the deer earlier...the bread, not the wrap. Oh..and mom, we need gas and water states Austen. I raise my eyebrows. The water I understand..even though I think it is ridiculous to purchase clean water..we receive 4-8 boil water notices annually. Too many people with low immune systems in this house. So we buy 2- 5 gallon jugs of water and refill them each week for drinking...but the gas? It's for the cars..Oh,chimes in Cody, and Superglue. I give him a blank stare. No..really..it's for the car. So..Jack..if you are reading this..just know..that super-glue was a key part of your car-repair. Charming, isn't it? So we add, packaging for super-glue to our trash...as Big B tells me to save the rest of the super-glue in the fridge..because naturally, we keep superglue in the fridge.
 See..we really stink on this front.

Then? Austen leaves for the River with friend Justin on his 4-wheeler. I remind him this is just consuming more gas. He laughs and says..well, it's hot...and I didn't purchase this gas (the gas that is specifically in his 4 wheeler) today. Besides..this is about what we purchase today...energy use is later in the week..and with that? He drives off.

About this time Cody reminds me he is hanging out with friends tonight. Destination? Pizza place and a hookah cafe. Of course! Before I can even start he grins. I'm too young to participate in the hookah..and besides I will be purchasing entertainment with friends..not products to clutter our lives. Truth is, it's a friend's birthday and they have been planning this for a while. Hope they have a good time.

I am starting to think we are way more pathetic than I could have predicted. I would say it is safe to say I am bordering on exasperated, when Big B spots me..Guess What?! I don't have to buy a vacation home. Look, you were right! We already have one!...He gestures to the tree house with a huge grin on his face. It has a view and everything. I made Austen clean it this morning. I'm taking it back.(the tree-house, he means. Tree-house occupation is an on going saga around here) You can find me in the tree this evening. I'll be sitting on the porch, enjoying the view.


What's For Dinner?
Sunday: baked tilapia, sliced potatoes with onions and mushrooms, plums
Monday: (community dining returns)spaghetti, breadsticks, greenbeans and salad, brownies.
Tuesday: cheesy corn casserole, french-fires, sliced peaches
Wednesday: Steak Night at 11th Street! We are bringing veggie burgers and steak with feta and spinach.
Thursday: squash medley au gratin, apple cobbler
Friday: Make your own pizza night, chicken wings, salad
Saturday: Sicilian potatoes, crunchy fruit salad

No Impact Experiment -getting ready

It is 11 a.m. on Saturday, August 28th. La familia is about to embark on our No Impact Experiment. Details can be found at www.noimpactproject.org

Essentially, we spend a week trying to make as minimal negative impact on the planet as possible.Also..to remember the joy in simple things in life. The importance of not getting sucked into consumerism.

Now..the amature economist in me..realizes that it is not always good to be soloing it. There is a lot to be said for the greater good in being co-dependent..of the specialization of labor.

But this experiement blends well with the understanding that wealth is not money. Wealth is the goods and services people produce. Money is the tool we use to trade wealth. (Bluestocking Guide to Economics)

When we first received the manual I laughed. Really. It talks about preparing..doing whatever shopping you need ahead of time. I thought..this is ludicrous..how can it be no impact if you take the luxury version? ..and now? I am getting ready to do my last minute shopping spree. Why? Because I panic..because I LIKE luxury. (sigh) I haven't even started the experiment and I am discovering a lot about myself.

I think I am fairly environmentally conscientious. I realize I am simply almost-almost aware. Maybe I will scooch up a notch to almost aware by the end of this week.

I spent the morning with my 15 year old nephew Calvin. We ate cereal, made brownies, and watched LOTS of cartoons. I haven't had a chance to really visit with him in a couple of weeks. He has been a busy guy! So we discussed his watch. Aunt Nicole..do you want to know what time it is in Russia? Look. I can show you. His math teacher I think she's telling us a story. She says she broke her leg diving out of an SUV while she was being shot at. and the possibility of chasing the sun with space-ships. I have really missed hanging out with him.

Then? I left Calvin with Austen to plan the rest of their day and made the time to take  the no impact pre-experiment survey.

I was horrified.

We had just today, eaten nothing but boxed, pre-packaged stuff and spent the entire morning watching t.v. Definitely not my image of how we function around here..but there it was. In my defense...we only buy 2 boxes of cereal a week?

I think about our garbage output.

I KNOW I should be using cloth diapers. I did this with all three of the older boys..and often with Calvin.

But Levi?

Nope..convenience disposable have won out. Well..in my defense (yes..ahem..again with the defensiveness) ..not completely. I have looked for cloth diapers..but only found 7 in a package in one store. I could order them online..but that? Would mean taking the time and $ to do a bulk order..and I am too cheap. So instead, I fill our landfills with impossible to decompose plastic filled with chemicals and spend more money than I would if I just bought a bulk order of cloth diapers..So that is my primary shop- ahead mission today. Also..to fill my car's tank with gas (yikes) and
buy the groceries for the week.

So that is it. Tonight we host a no impact experiment party...9 pm. on Planet Green. I just tried to sign us up on the noimpactproject website. I'm having some technical difficulties logging in though. Regardless, I tnink it's a good idea. A way to start us off and clue Big B into what, exactly, we are doing around here.

So we will watch, eat popcorn and discuss what the week might look like. What ideas can we take with us..what will we pass on. Who is coming? Good question. My family..hopefully some friends of the boys. It is sort-of a last minute hosting event. So I'm not too concerned about it.

All for now..will be posting daily this week (maybe..that's the plan) as to how we do..or don't do..on this experiment.

River Rat Wisdom and Not Back To School

This past weekend we(meaning Ong and Bates families minus Cody) took Angee and Brian back to Austin. Why? Because we seem to think it is necessary for ALL OF US..to return them for the new year. Cody..did not think it was necessary to be part of this venture. He chose to hang-out with his girlfriend and family instead.

Pictured here are Austen and Brian posturing their "buffness"  in the apartment kitchen. You know, as they drink their boba tea.

On our trip home I am given Words of Wisdom from Austen. Austen,my son, the River Rat.

Austen has spent a minimum of three hours a day..usually 6+..at the river this summer.

In the past few weeks I have noticed a change in Austen's walk..his talk..his humor..small glimmers of maturity that are intriguing.

As we ride home from Austin (the city) Austen (the young man)catches me up on many of his summer adventures at the river. The people he has met. The stunts they (Austen and friend Travis) have tried. Austen offers his insights into various people and situations. He has become clearer on what he wants and doesn't want in the near future. As Austen talks, I realize that he has become pretty street smart. You know..in a small-town, River Rat sort-of way. And then he says.  

You know..it occurred to me..that life is so unpredictable! I have a new philosophy. Embrace life. Live life. Love life. It's as simple as that. You can't hide away afraid of what might happen. You just have to..well..like I said. 

Embrace, Live and Love.

This..naturally, led to a discussion on his recent dread-lock consultation. Yes..we had a dreadlock consultation for the boy last Friday. Austen is very clear about what type/style of dreads he wants.

Did you know there are over 12 dread-lock styles? I didn't.

After discussion with stylist, she gave us the amount. $xyz.oo!! Holy Molie! We ask for an appointment in a couple of weeks so we can gather the funds. Austen should be dreaded on Sept. 10th. Should be interesting. I'm sure that will be a whole 'nother blog in and of itself.

In the meantime. The local neighborhood kids are back in school. We (again) are not. The house is unusually quiet.

I have been following the not back to school bloghop.

The bloghop has also been interesting..not in the same way as dreadlocks..but in a wow..do people really do all this sort-of way.

The month of August was broken into themes. Week 1- Curriculum Used, Week 2 -School Room Week, Week 3 -Student Photo Week and finallyWeek 4- Day In the Life. I have simply read..not posted. Mainly because there are some pretty efficient homeschoolers over there. Ahem..we? Well? We are growing River Rats!

So..quick summary here.

Curriculum Used. We occasionally have a year of what I call "Sonlight Panic" This is one of those years. So, for now..Sonlight British Lit, Saxon Algebra and Calculus, and miscellaneous other stuff for Economics, French and O-Chem.

School Room: Where-ever we are. The dining room table, the living room floor, my bed, the deck , the river...

Student Photo Week:

This would be it. Both boys are purposely hiding their faces. It was the best picture I could get..the other pics? Well...they were spitting/shooting paper napkin pieces at me.

A Day In the Life? Really?

  Let's see...had coffee with Big B and  my friend Sandy. Hung out with the baby, started laundry,and turned the t.v. onto the Sirius Coffee House station. Unlike the years we had no t.v.or only 2 stations,  we now have a gazillion channels to choose from. The easiest way to avoid getting sucked into t.v. land is to use the t.v. like a radio.

Austen came home from Devin's (he had spent the night) and I woke Cody up around 9:30 a.m.. Both boys thought this was cruel and unusual punishment because I had decided summer was over.

Don't feel too bad for them. They had been forewarned.

Boys wrote in journals and we (gasp) used work-books for grammar. We have not used work-books since...wow..Cody was like 7. Austen..about 6 years ago. Levi tried to converse with the studious paper spitters, as they wrote..the boys rolled up paper towels and pretended they were "baby cigarettes." They cracked themselves up.

 Then? We read aloud. We always read aloud together. One of the things I treasure about my time at home.

Today it was Beowulf and Sir Gawain and the Green Knight. Cody very creatively retold Beowulf. "Then Hrothgar- the optimist prime- with all his men..." or "They waded through the marrow..mm yum,yum.."

Austen had great fun with puns of King Arthur and his "high" court.

We read for a couple of hours. Levi falls asleep.

Boys work on cars and fix some lunch. I rotate laundry. (real exciting, huh?)

Then we resume. Bluestocking Guide to Economics. We read and discuss articles. Austen spends another hour studying French and working on Algebra. Cody reads some history and starts skimming an ACT prep book.

Pictured here is Cody playing with Levi.

By 3p.m..the boys are back in the river..The rest of the day the boys play with Levi, play in the river and mess around on computers. Cody helps me set the table for dinner.

Dinner conversation revolves around the No Impact Experiment .What will it involve? We are trying next week. Big B thinks he should be exempt from the experiment. We disagree. It's a family thing..he must deal with his consumerism just like the rest of us.

Big B rocks Levi (and himself) to sleep..as he embraces another love in our lives.

What's For Dinner?
Monday: shell pasta with salmon, sliced cucumber and tomato, bread sticks
Tuesday: New England  style roast, baked potatoes, salad
Wednesday: roasted red pepper soup, grilled cheese on wheat rounds, sliced peaches
Thursday: eggplant and tomatoes with pasta, sliced tomato with mozarella and basil, sliced apples
Friday: toasted french toast with bruschetta, olives, sliced cheeses
Saturday: meatless chilli
Sunday: ? 

Grace, Hospitality and Outreach

 This is just a quick post on my recent musings on grace, hospitality and outreach.

On our trip to Michigan with the OM team..the other moms and I had some interesting conversations on just about everything. Among which was religion..specifically service..or outreach. It was brought to my attention that even churches who serve have an alterior motive..to grow their church..or witness of Christ. This was seen as a threatening act..a "catch" so to speak.

I didn't respond at the time..because this has never been my understanding of outreach. My own personal experience. Yet, I have seen this happen many times..so I couldn't deny the statement either.

My first thought, however, was  No. Not at all. No matter what ones faith or non-faith is Graciousness is a natural out-pour of Grace.
 
But I stayed quiet.

I stayed quiet because too often I have heard too much defensiveness and war lingo used by members of churches. It is hard to explain grace (the gift of unconditional love - those glimmers of inner peace/joy) in the midst of war lingo. It is hard to explain that being "armed for battle", in the Christian sense, means battling poverty, hate, injustice and  pride. NOT the fighting, finger-pointing, us-or-them type images that often come to mind.And unfortunately are often stated by some pretty vocal people.

So I stay quiet and start pondering the differences in people's perceptions of Grace. There are some that believe grace is earned. They serve to be deserving. I believe this perception is more openly stated here in the West.

Then? There is the understanding that grace is a gift. There are many who accept the gift of grace. When you see grace as a gift..then service to others is merely an action in response to the gift. A thankyou..let me share with you.

..and sharing..well that leads to thinking about Hospitality.

 I begin reading the book Open Heart, Open Home by Karen Mains.  In a discussion on entertaining vs. hospitality Ms. Mains writes:
  "Entertaining says,'I want to impress you with my beautiful home, my clever decorating, my gourmet cooking'.  Hospitality, however, seeks to minister.It says, 'This home is not mine. It is truly a gift...
  ...Hospitality whispers 'What is mine is yours.' "

Hospitality is an invitation into community.

and I realize that the difference between Hospitality and Entertainment, is similar to the distinction between outreach to self-serve ..and outreach as a response. 

For example, our church hosts a day-care. It is the only C.C. M.S. approved day-care in the county. This day-care IS the ministry of the church. There are those who get frustrated because most families from the day-care do not attend the church. They see this as a failure on the part of the congregation.

Then? There are those who understand that the day-care is a MINISTRY. It fills a need in the community.

The goal of ministry is to fill the need.

If the goal is to grow the church we are frustrated. If, however, we understand we are blessed with what we have..and want to extend that by filling a need in the community. (I.E..the only CCMS day-care in the county) Then? We are extending grace. We are ministering.

Okay..no more time to reflect.

Crying baby needing attention IMMEDIATELY.

Little Men

Random Shots of the "Little Men" (as Big B likes to call them), who use our home as the place to crash land-and hang in.  And Yes...some of them even live here..others are simply the "frequent fliers". We are lucky to have them all in our lives.

Our Cast of Characters:

Calvin (15), Austen (16) and Cody (17)...The Beach Bums!
                

  Calvin (15) and Levi (2 months) Brother Bonding

Fishing in the Back Yard.  Cody (17) and Mason (17)  Also known as Thing 1 and Thing 2

Lunchtime! Bryan (6), Michael (10), Jose (11)..who had the unfortunate luck of being referred to as "Little Bryan, Little Michael, and Little Jose"...too many dads/uncles/friends with the same names floating around this place.

Devin (16) with friend Mandy at local gallery

Justin (16) Literally Hanging taken a year ago at ropes course.

Brian (20!) with girlfriend Angee (19)...another year old pic..sorry. Brian-Scott has also been dubbed "little Brian"..and then renamed .."Middle Brian"...at least he's a flexible guy.

Levi (2 months)..still getting acquainted with the Cast.

..and onto the most frequently heard phrase in la casa

*What's For Dinner?
Sunday: eggplant parmigiana, manicotti, salad
Monday: cheese enchiladas, beans, corn-bread, corn, fruit salad
Tuesday: pita sandwiches (feta, tomato, olive..and salmon optional) with peasant soup
Wednesday: spaghetti, green beans, spinach salad, french bread
Thursday: portabella mushroom burgers or hamburgers, sweet potato fries, fruit salad
Friday: make your own pizza
Saturday: dinner in Austin.(.returning Little Man "Middle Brian" and Angee to Austin for school)

* this is just a plan. Breakfast for dinner, or quesadillas, are always our fallback. We usually have one fallback a week.

My Baby Turns 20?!

Oiy...

Brian-Scott turns 20 today. 20!!! Can you believe it?!

I have been taking some time to process this.

20!

It seems like just yesterday I was carrying him with me..as we carry Levi now...and then he began to talk.

"Democrat" being his first word....Compliments of grandma.

We discover early that Brian is intense, quirky and kind. What wonderful traits!

Brian is 12 months when the pediatrician is concerned he may have leukemia. After further testing, we are relieved to discover it is only thalesemia minor.  Our baby? Takes all the blood work in stride..grinning and "singing" as we panic..and hold him tighter..and breathe again..still holding him a little tighter.

He is 3 and pondering how the end of a pencil is the same as infinity...and simultaneously worried he can't find his stuffed Barney. He makes up rules to games..sometimes, he cheats.

He is 5 and horrified at all the letters in books. A, B, C? ...(sigh) what do we mean what sound do these make? These represent unknown variables!..but could we please read him another story. He continues to make up rules to games. Brian continues to sometimes cheat.

Brian is 9 and dabbles with martial arts. Then he discovers gambling..we discuss the ethics of gambling. So instead he offers to teach us a new game. We respectfully decline..Also he wants to know why he must stay in school. After all..can't we just read to him?

..and so we do.

Brian becomes intense with martial arts...I LOVE to watch him and his friends at karate. He spends almost 4 years at the dojo..5/6 days a week, 3-4 hours a day...and then we add gymnastics. His uncle teaches him computer programming and more math. He enjoys several years and friendships from Odyssey of the Mind. He starts summer PREP programs..and the rest of the time can we please keep reading to him?

Brian is at loose ends. We won't let him go to college until he is at least 16. He plays a lot of roller hockey. He volunteers at the Boys and Girls Club. He continues with Odyssey..and he prepares to leave home to the Texas Academy of Math and Science.

Here is Brian at one of his last Odyssey of the Mind competitions..as a competitor. They built a car out of sponges.

..and so my baby (my oldest baby that is) leaves home at the ripe old age of 16.

I cry for weeks. I am not ready to say goodbye so early..yet I know this is what he needs.

Brian comes home in the summers and works at a lab nearby. He starts dating Angee. He has known her since he was 8/9? They went to karate together. They work at the lab together. They have been dating 3 years now!.

Brian moves from the dorms at TAMS to an apartment at UTAustin where he studies electrical engineering.Brian discovers he has kerataconous...his vision is rapidly declining. I can't help but be proud of how he takes it all in stride.

The following year..Brian and Angee get an apartment together. Brian and Angee surround themselves with a strong support system. They cultivate strong friendships...and by the way..if someone would like to write a paper for him..Brian is okay with that.

Brian and Angee study, study, and study...they stay in close touch with both families.

They travel. They ski. They play at beaches.

They look for things they can do together..with others..where Brian won't unintentionally injure other people guessing where things are. For example.no.racket ball. Brian has caused one too many racket-ball injuries.

They settle on  lots of  frisbee..even when Brian is guessing who he is throwing too..His frisbee team wears very bright colored shirts, hoping to increase the odds of his throwing the frisbee to his own team-mates. They are really neat kids...and Brian?

Brian enjoys life.

..and now he turns 20! (GASP!!) What can I say? I love this kid!

Brian and his friends decide to spend the weekend here..camping..and I discover that Brian and Angee are now only speaking to Levi in Mandarin. Of course..Brian mostly discusses diodes and resisters with Levi. His brother's keep trying to remind him that he might be interested in other things..like sitting up. Brian remains unconvinced.

Go figure.

We are glad to have them all..all 13-15 of these teens and young adults.

Even (ahem) the camping cheaters who never quite venture outside:)

Happy Birthday Brian.

We love you.

20 years of Small Stuff

  I am writing from the beach. Island House on Padre Island has been a summer vacation spot for my family since I was in my teens. Before that we vacationed on the other end of this Texas Gulf Coast board-walk at Holiday Inn. My parents consider this their own private heaven.

This week, my mom has regaled us with tales from her childhood in North Carolina. My dad plays his ukulele and discusses what he is reading and thinking about. Calvin alternates from watching t.v. in his room to sitting on the surf, covering us with sand..or trying to pull the sea-weed out of the ocean. Cody..triangulates..from computer, to beach, to pool..computer, beach, pool. He is like a ghost..only speaks when spoken too. Austen? Has befriended a girl from Mississippi. We only see him at meals and when he is sleeping. And Big B? Well, we left him in Bandera ..as we do many summers. I used to feel bad about this..really guilty like..but Big B is a work-a-holic. And we don't always help the situation.

I write this because we just had our 20th ANNIVERSARY. 20 years. Who would have thought?  We spent our anniversary at home. And the next day (when our schedules worked out) we went out. We did what we always do. We spent every restaurant gift card we have received in the past year.

Crab boil at Joe's Crab Shack..Southwestern Egg Rolls at Chili's. It is a tradition we started in our third year of marriage. We still do the same thing. Because..it is the small things that hold our marriage together. Isn't it for everyone? Really?

I recently read an article stating that couples with children spent an average of 91/2 hours a week in conversation without children present. REALLY..9 1/2 hours. I don't know how they do it.

Several years ago I asked Big B what I could do for him that would really make him happy. I don't know why I asked him..I wouldn't usually do such a thing. I held my breath..fearful of what he might say.

REALLY?? he askes..eyebrows raised. Hmm...let me think...and then in all seriousness Could you..you know..have a cup of coffee with me in the morning before work? ..and so our coffee traditions began. It usually lasts about 10-15 minutes a morning because Big B is always running late for work.  But it is a small thing that among many other small things..keep us connected.


  Our conversations are not that exciting. Take yesterday? Me: I made some chicken salad..it's in the fridge. Big B: Can you call the electric company?..did you say chicken salad? Me: Yup..in the fridge..we are taking the rest to the beach.  Big B: Ahh..the beach..wish I could go (then a shrug and a grin).guess I'll just have to stay here all by myself and ENJOY THE PEACE AND QUIET!! 

(This statement, by the way, being absurd since the man BLASTS the t.v. and radio when we are gone. Like the neighbors can hear him..and our neighbors aren't close!)

Me:(grin) Whatever..will you call Cody's dentist and reschedule his appointment. Big B: (grabbing his tools and stuff) Oh..yeah..you guys have fun. Love you. (kiss on forehead). Call me when you get there.
and he is out the door.

See? Not even close to 91/2 hours. I can't even imagine. I mention this to him as we are eating at Joe's.He laughs. Conversation over. Big B is much more interested in watching the waiters dance to Car Wash..and stealing the plastic crab opener that says "Stolen from Joe's Crab Shack".

I think about the things said..and unsaid. I think of how we started. He was a mechanic and semi-pro motorcycle racer. He had dreams of studying professional motorcycle racing in Santa Something, CA. I was working in a bar as a fiddle player...waiting to hear if I was accepted to the San Francisco Music Conservatory. When I was accepted..we celebrated.. a lot..apparently more than necessary....and 6 months later I was calling him in Texas from a pay-phone in Oakland, CA saying.."Guess what..I'm pregnant..just thought..you know..you might want to know."

I had no intention of marrying him. Nothing personal, I liked him..a lot..but come on..We BARELY KNEW EACH OTHER. He dared me to take a chance on him. I've never been good at turning down a good dare.

4 months later..we were married.We were living in Texas. We had a son..and partial guardianship of his/(now our) 5 year old niece.

Our neighbor brings us a glass candy dish as a wedding gift. (we eloped). I fill it with hard candy..especially cinnamon. We keep the dish full of hard-candy as an "I love you". This is small thing number 1.

A year later we were excited at discovering that we were pregnant again. In my second tri-mester we discovered that if Michael Anthony was not "removed" he and I would both die. Michael was too small to survive. We went home without him...and for the next 9 weeks Big B took 1 year old Brian-Scott to work with him..since I was not allowed to do any lifting.

Small things begin to carry more depth here...every year on December 3rd Brian gives me a hug and a flower. Last year Michael would have been 18. This is small thing number 2.

We decided we are content with our involvement/parenting with Kelly(our niece) and Brian-Scott.

Then..I discover I am pregnant again. We decide to name him Dakota James. 3 weeks before he is born we hear a prayer request for the family of a baby Dakota James who died of SIDS. We are superstitious. We change Dakota's name to Cody....

One morning, as I am feeding Kelly and Brian-Scott breakfast..while  Cody(at 3 months of age)  is screaming for about his 100th hour in a row (no kidding), Big B says..when do you see the doctor? I think your pregnant? I give him an unkind gesture above the kid's heads. No..really..he says I'm getting morning sickness again. I try to ignore him...but you know..the guy did get sicker than me in pregnancy.

Big B is right.

We decide that Austen must be the immaculate conception..because neither of us remember when this could have happened. Big B decides it is tooth-brush sharing that is causing these pregnancies. We never share a tooth-brush again.This is small thing number 3.
 

Our friendships with other couples change during this time. We start surrounding ourselves with friends who are family/kid friendly. More than that..who even sometimes enjoy quirky kids...and then we learn of the world of autism..we realize that one of us needs to be home full time. We draw straws. For the next 16 years Big B brings me a package of twizzlers or Reese's Peanut Butter Cups every pay-day. number 4.


.and our adult friendships become even more valued...and selective.

In 20 years..we have been  together through day-to-day life. We buried Big B's adoptive father..2 of my close friends..and his biological father. We strive to build a strong support system. We partner in the "growing" of 11 children..in some capacity or another.We safe-house another 5 families.

We have joined the world of homeschooling.  We watch our children..and the children who bless/stress our lives defy all sorts of barriers.

We know we have chosen a path less traveled...and that is okay. We have come to really appreciate those small things. The cups of coffee, the stolen restaurant utensils in an annual restaurant gift card splurge , the candies, the hugs.

This marriage is not the life we imagined when we met.. We definitely don't reach the 91/2 hour a week ideal. But we have come to treasure it..because it is ours.

Wouldn't it be great if we could make another 20?  

Our Quiet Growth

 This has been a real summer.

Do you remember those summers with no huge obligations? Summers that weren't super busy? Summers where you played flashlight tag, smelled like bug spray/sun screen and just hung out with friends?

We have been having that kind-of summer. Mostly. Lucky us.

La familia has gardened, cooked, swam, worked on the garage, watched entirely too much t.v., conversed, dined and just wandered off to be alone for long periods of time. It has been a summer of quiet growth..and in our growth (both individually in our relationships with each other) our desires for this next year are becoming clearer and clearer.

Now..there has been some craziness. It wouldn't be life without some craziness and panic. Just last week we had Levi in full motion while I was  trying to memorize 20 songs for next weeks Kairos International Conference (not doing this well), preparing for the SAHERO conference (thank you Jo Ann for pinch hitting on the programs!) and some Call Committee meetings for our church. Call Committee meetings..for those who don't know..can be trying at times. Lots of personalities. Lots of opinions. Lots of big hearts. I can't tell you anything else because, like Odyssey projects, they are TOP SECRET. (For a little while, anyway)

But..all in all? A relatively cool summer. This sneaky clarity of ours, all came to light during and after the homeschooling conference. I watched the homeschool graduate panel (of which Brian was one of the members..that was fun..to listen to his perspective). As I watched them, it finally hit me, that this part of our lives really is coming to a close. I try not to get too weepy.

Austen is still a sophomore..I still have 3 years with him..sort-of. Because he is planning to spread his wings..soon...with travel (Canada? Australia? Jamaica? Costa Rica?) and community college classes. And after 15 years of homeschooling..3 years is not long AT ALL!

Cody is a senior..Both boys will be starting college classes next year.(as in not this year because -ahem-Mom is not ready - Fall 2011) Austen will begin dual-crediting courses in the culinary arts program at St. Phillips.  Cody will be studying business in Houston, or Austin..or (gasp) New Haven? Brian will continue with graduate studies somewhere. Austin? Boston?

This endless series of ? after various cities and countries reminds us that yes..we have much more growing to go.

We are all sensing that this is our last year together. In the physical proximity sense. The boys are spending more time together. Doing brotherly type things. This is nice to see.

And as our individual and family needs become more and more into focus, we make some strange, unforeseen, decisions.

Number one in strange is No more co-op. Co-ops have been such a huge part of our lives. But we started our homeschooling journey here..at home..in what we called the year of our monastic experience...and we are ending the same way. (only not so monastic..they are teens after-all)

The other decisions..not as drastic. No more Odyssey of the Mind. Each of the boys has had a chance to go to World Finals at least once. They are ready to move on to other things.

Cody will continue to play soccer and fix cars. Nothing more..just study and hang.

Austen will continue as Junior Staff at the Boys and Girls Club and refurbishing ipods. Nothing more. Just study and hang.

So the boys tell me what they want/need to study. What they need to meet college requirements..and I begin planning for my last year in the Parish Ministry Training Program.  And we realize that we will be studying, together, a lot.

Both boys will be studying Economics and Survey of British Lit.and Literary Analysis/Comp together. It has been a LONG time since they studied the same things together. The rest is more individualized:

Cody has decided to study Organic Chemistry. Austen says no science.

Austen will continue with Algebra and start Geometry. Cody? Calculus

Austen wants to study French and Spanish. Spanish is required for culinary studies here in SA..He feels French will be more handy if he moves to Louisiana. He wants to learn both.  Cody says he is done with foreign language.

As for me? I am studying Ethics (again), Worship, and Church Administration..in the Fall. Will worry about the rest at Christmas.

We have determined these things for logistical reasons..we need to start buying our books..and registration for co-ops is now..we will not be registering. More importantly.letting other families know what we are doing here so they don't plan to co-op here..is important now.

It appears, we will be more structured in our learning than we have in years.

Interesting.

But  now that all decisions have been made, we can return to enjoying the summer for another month.
Next week? We head to the beach!

Yay for summer!

Weekly Menu:
Sunday: Cheesy-corn casserole, twisted garlic bread sticks, marinara sauce
Monday: lasagna, green beans with tomatoes, spinach salad, french bread
Tuesday: dinner at Kairos Conference or veggie tacos
Wednesday: steamed clams, bruschetta on bagel crisps, ginger fruit salad
Thursday: dinner at Kairos Conference or bean and cheese quesadillas with sliced avacado
Friday: Portabella mushroom burgers, summer salad with balsamic vinaigrette
Saturday: Joe's Crab Shack for our anniversary!! (Boys are on their own..leftovers?)

Mission Accomplished..Almost

Okay..so we (my sister and I) spent the weekend on this massive cooking venture with Levi insisting on hanging in the kitchen THE ENTIRE TIME...yes...like all day.

Step one? Mood music. We put the t.v. on the coffee house music station.
Step two? Find a zillion containers and stuff..and set up an extra table in the kitchen to assemble stuff on.
Step three..make a huge container of spaghetti sauce..with and without meat.

We cooked 13 meals to be frozen (yeah)..Most with venison and/or a veggie version.

 cannelloni with meat sauce, cannelloni with sauce
 lasagnas with meat sauce, lasagnas
 manicotti  with meat sauce, manicotti
 plain old spaghetti sauce..both versions              
 then? meatloafs,
         taco pies
         cheesy corn casseroles...

Finally? We quit. Levi (who like his cousin Austen seems to love the kitchen) was not sleeping until we were finished!. As soon as last dish was stuck in freezer..he crashed...for a very long time.

As we cooked away...Austen, Cody and Brian continued in the garage. Look! It is a working garage with doors that lock and everything...now? We only need to finish the roof and walls.

Brian and Angee came over.
The Ramirez clan came over..
We celebrated Big Richard and Big B's birthdays. We ate barbecue and veggie burgers.
We made brownies.
We watched Invictus.

All in all not a bad weekend.              

Busy Sittin' on the Deck

I have spent a lot of time on my back deck this summer.

I mean a LOT. Like a couple of hours almost every morning. I have found that the hours between 7:30 a.m and 10a.m. are usually the one time that both teens and infant are asleep. So I take this time on the deck by myself (okay..sometimes I am accompanied by Levi or one of the older boys).

At the beginning of the summer, I would go to the deck armed with stacks of books..and then find myself just day-dreaming. It finally dawned on me that I  had been craving this time for a while. I leave the books in the house. Sometimes I use this time to plan. A sermon, a talk..or (ahem) the upcoming Homeschooling 101 workshop/panel for the SAHERO conference on Saturday, July 24th. I treasure this opportunity to just reflect, ponder, dream and listen.

I listen to the cicadas, the birds, the windchimes..I enjoy the breeze.

The breeze, in these Texas Hills, only visits in the mornings. I try to savor the breeze.

 Mostly, it is time to just Be. I spent a lot of time last Fall insisting it was important for the boys to have this sort of time..Well? Now it's my turn..

So I have been treating myself to this little luxury on my deck

 My mind (like many minds, I'm sure) is just too busy. Our lives become too busy..and I find myself wanting to just stop..and let the busyness happen around me. I find the more I do this..the more I can enjoy my family and friends for who they are. I am less inclined  to fit them into my idea of who they could be...and see them more clearly. This new clarity includes my understanding of my sister.

The reason I say this, is because my sister and I have a very delicate relationship. For numerous reasons, we have a very intimate, but cautious, relationship...and we are both working to create a new bridges between us.

That said, other than the week we spent at the hospital when she gave birth to Levi, we have not seen eachother much since. We live in separate cities. We have very differing lifestyles..so we talk baby business and logistics on the phone..and pass Levi back and forth. It feels too disconnected.

So ..I am glad to say, she is coming up this weekend!

We are going to cook. My sister is truly an amazing cook! We have not done any once-a-month cooking in years. We are hoping to start a new tradition of dedicating one weekend a season to mass cooking. Where we can cook, have food in our perspective freezers..and hopefully,create some new bonds.

I am looking forward to her visit this weekend.

Meanwhile..the boys continue (still) working on garage building.

Pictured here is Austen..searching inside the lift for a missing bolt.

 Cody has also been doing a bit of  searching. Soul searching, that is. He is carving out time most afternoons to write, write, write and discuss life with his mom. As Cody sorts through the college maze..he seems to be leaning more and more towards the University of Houston as his first choice.

At first I thought it was because this was his girlfriend's back-up school. It is not. Cody wants to study management information systems through a Business School...or Computer Information Systems/Psychology if it is a  school that does not have a Business program .

Cody is still applying to UTAustin and Yale...just in case. However, he knows his odds are slim for Yale..and homeschoolers don't rank. So no matter how well he does/or does not do on SAT's /ACT's..or how much he has studied..admission to UTAustin will depend on space available after admission of the top 10% of children applying from Texas schools that rank their students. AND  if he does get into UT, it will probably be the most financially difficult. Cody is unwilling to take out a loan. He feels he should be able to get scholarships and work.  Cody is pretty sure he can get into UTSA, Schreiner University, and UTHouston..now if needed. (But it is not needed.)

Mostly, though? Cody feels that UTHouston has a decent MIS program...that it is affordable (unless another school gives him some sort-of amazing offer), and he likes Houston. This also allows him to spend less time on stressing over academics..and simply studying and continuing to hang in the garage..

 Why? Because like his mom in all her coolness on the deck...Cody needs time...to just hang.

It's The New Zoo Review..

..okay. So the song has been stuck in my head for 3 DAYS!!! (for those of you old enough to even remember this song..)

So here is a review of the Bates Family Life Zoo..

Chickens? We lost count! There are too many. They are eating my cucumbers. They are free range most of the time (unless it is a really busy tubing weekend on the river..lots of tourists, etc...then we keep them in a pen) Lately..when they are not invading the garden..they are choosing to stay in the chicken coop because it is cooler.


Dog. Poor thing..still banished to the outdoors because we have not taken the stickers out of her fur yet.

Fish: We are down to one foster fish. It has gotten huge.




Now for the peoples...

Mostly? They are doing this:

Building a garage. The building Big B and Cody were looking at purchasing fell through. Big B's friend laid a slab for us on the side of the house..so the decision was made. Run a garage from the house. (one benefit when you have no zoning codes???)

It started raining..a lot..as soon as they had formed the rafters..so there was a lot of calculating to be done to adjust for all the (ugh) warping. Finally..the sun has returned so the boys are all back to work. 2 cars currently await to be fixed...and then there is a waiting list. (Big B and Cody have decided to fix cars by appointment only for some logistical reasons) Meaning? There is a bit of a rush to get this done.But as of today..the roof is almost done. The slab is laid and a lift is in place..so smaller repairs may resume.I think a brake job awaits tonight.


Now for specific peoples..I would like to start with Big B

What can I say? He is still like the energizer bunny..he keeps going, and going, and going. Sometimes, with humor, even. This past week has been rough.
 It is no secret that Brian is pretty much in an indentured servant situation at work due to insurance. His boss has taken full advantage over this fact since the moment Austen was diagnosed with epilepsy and Big B with his chronic stuff. The boss guy acknowledged that theycould no longer qualify for their own insurance and has shamelessly taken advantage of this fact. It has been hard for Big B to stick it out. Yet..what choice does he have? Despite all the fuss over universal health care..the fact is that the right to purchase insurance is still denied to many in this country. Big B is one of those many.

This past week Big B's boss switched insurance companies. Until we know if he will get the blessing of the insurance gods to qualify for coverage..we pay for Big B's maintenance meds out of pocket. Not an option..really. It is a little more than $100 a day to keep this guy out of the emergency room/ICU...and that is only Big B.You do the math! So for anyone who wants to give me a lecture on the evils of my family having the right to purchase insurance..just a head's up..this is not the time to do it. 

But Big B? He just jokes about it and tells the kids he needs to borrow their muscles a little more because we have bills to pay!..which leads me to

Da' Boys:

   Cody is just fun to have around this summer. He is changing and growing before my eyes.  Here he is getting ready to head to a friend's wedding.  Cody and I are spending a couple hours a day during the week reading and writing essays. Okay..he is writing..I'm editing. It is neat to see him start to elaborate on his thinking a little. The rest of the time? He plays soccer.  He plays a little Ultimate Frisbee. He works on cars and the garage...and his favorite of all. He hangs with his girlfriend.

Austen, meanwhile, has discovered a larping (live action role play) group in San Antonio. He has taken his sword beating to another level. So Saturday Nights? To the park it is..to enter a fantasy world of humans and non-humans, good and evil..and all sorts of interesting characters.

He is having a blast.

When Austen is NOT playing make-believe..he and friend Travis spend hours at the river. They are, without a doubt, river rats this summer. Most fun? Dropping from tall trees next to unsuspecting tubers in the river. It almost reminds one of Robin Hood and his Merry Men..dropping on unsuspecting travelers.

Austen, too, has discovered a little bit of Ultimate Frisbee.Compliments of....Angee and Brian. YES! They are back from Singapore! Brian and Angee seemed to have had a great time. Brian did, anyway...and are now back to work..and frisbee. Why? Because Brian enjoys frisbee. They have a group of about 40 kids who meet a few days a week at a nearby highschool and play for a couple hours. Who knew?

...and then we return to Levi.
Levi continues to bring unexpected joy into all of our lives...

and Finally?


I got my hair cut!  (I am still wearing the sleep deprived look..that cannot be avoided for awhile) It was quite the adventure. I was informed that No..You can not have a Dianne Keaton hair style because you do not have Dianne Keaton's hair! (and many other things were said at my expense that I will spare you here) THAT is what happens when you go to a friend's hair salon. You are open game for verbal abuse!  You know what's weird though? The cut I got..looks just like the hair of my older self in the dream I had not too long ago. Now that??

That is eerie.

Weekly Menu (by request)
Monday: lasagna, french bread, salad, frozen hot chocolate
Tuesday: cold tomato soup, prosciutto(optional) artichoke and mozzarella sandwich, sliced peaches
Wednesday: Greek lemon and oregano mahi, mahi, sauteed zucchinni, salad and sliced fruit, peach cobbler
Thursday: Chicken Cacciatore, pasta, sliced tomatoes and mozzarella cheese,brownies
Friday: make your own pizza,buffalo wings,watermelon
Saturday: venison and/or veggie burgers with stuff (avacado, mushroom, onions, tomatoes, etc.), layered fruit with lime dressing
Sunday: red pepper humus pita sandwiches, crunchy fruit salad

Confessions of a Grouchy Mom

   A little over a decade ago, I decided to write a book. It was titled. The Dog Ate the Cuisenaire Rods..the not so glamorous side of homeschooling.  I spent about 2 years on this book..daily. And then? The boys wiped the entire thing out of my computer playing with magnets! I decided to let it go. After all, I had no agent, no contract..just a story. Or so I thought.

  Well..after looking over the past few posts, I realize that I appear to have mildly glamorized life as a stay-home mom. Oops. Never my intention. Especially, after my behavior in the past week.

It all started innocently enough. I watched a movie about a women's college. It reminded me of my fairly elitist childhood.

  Then? Cody and I went shopping. He bought a suit. Some shoes, got a haircut..and we went to the Gap.He had a gift card from Christmas!
 Big Mistake. I saw lots of cool clothes. (and I am not usually a shopping kinda gal)..and the looping in my head began.

 I looked at what I was wearing.(sigh) Hand me down jeans. Hand me down t-shirt with spit-up. Scuffed up shoes. A baby.I saw cool clothes that one day I could wear. Maybe..like when I work again.

I let myself imagine what it would be like to wear them.

I thought about the women in the hair salon where Cody was getting his hair done.(sigh again) They were pulled together. I was frazzled..and in desperate need of a haircut. I was carrying a baby and didn't have the funds anyway.

I know what I want. Really.

You know..a Diane Keaton sort- of cut..only with different color..like not gray. I'm not ready for gray.

Also? My bifocals..not cool. I can use the ones I have when I read.
But I want just plain old glasses..ones that are not so bulky (a requirement with bifocals) with transitions. 

So..essentially, I began to reinvent myself..on the outside. Except? It's not feasible..ya' know..financially.

Why? Because I am not a paycheck player anymore!

I tell Cody in the car that I am applying as a substitute in some private schools in SA (I am, actually) Cody..with his new clothes and haircut looks at me in exasperation and says I THOUGHT you were staying home! (Cody has his own unique wiring..so inconsistencies?..a bit uncomfortable)

I am, I assure him. I'm getting you and your brother through high-school. I haven't forgotten about this little guy. (Levi screaming from car-seat) However..I don't know how long your Dad's health is going to hold out (true statement) and I want to keep some options open..just in case.and besides ( I say with a grin) I want cool clothes too.

Cody rolls his eyes..after all..moms are not cool. THAT is a given.

So..you're going to spend your money on gas and clothes?

Before you decide this is one super spoiled kid..just know, our kids almost NEVER ask for anything. Which is why, when they do? We want to provide the best we can. They have also (my kids) had to play second string to Club kids for a long time. Time spent with them is l-o-n-g overdue.


I tell him to quit being so dramatic. Be kind. I tell him, Kindness is a good thing.

..and over the next week I begin to slowly get more and  more frustrated.

Relying on someone else for an income is always a humbling experience.

Big B is a generous guy. We share his income.  Most of it goes to support our kids...you know..things like food, and co-pays. 

Fast forward to 4th of July weekend. We are at a party.  It was lots of fun. We have my nephews with us.

Oh..you had a baby. says anonymous guest. I didn't know you were pregnant. 

I laugh. It's my nephew. He's just hangin' with us for now. 

Are you sure? You LOOK like you just had a baby?

How do you respond to that?
I mean..you know..you're wearing that just had a baby look.


I change the subject..and remember how at least 4 nurses at the hospital walked into the room where my sister, the baby and myself were sleeping..and said..So..you're grandma?

I mean come on..my sister is only 3 years younger than me! Good grief..I  think, I really want that haircut! (because at this time in my looping..haircut is the solution for everything..)

..and then yesterday? The boys leave to play ultimate frisbee.

Big B calls. He is on his way home..no side jobs, nothing.

I think..AHA..we could have dinner..just the two of us.

I make fish (at his request) because I haven't cooked anything he likes in a long time..and I want to. I look forward to having a dinner with just us. ..and you got it . He doesn't come home. He stopped by a friend's garage, so eventually he returns...but by then? I'm done.

I decide to feel sorry for myself. I focus on the fact that I don't even have shampoo I like. Just the guys shampoo.

I whine about shampoo. Big B takes me to the store to buy shampoo.

Then? I get really angry that I have to ask him to pay for my shampoo!

I have convinced myself that the fact we both allow ourselves a certain amount of money for the week is irrelevant. I just happened to spend mine on..you got it..one of the boys..and it was something they needed (not wanted) Meaning? I had no money for things like shampoo.

I am not being nice. I am being extremely unkind..and I can't seem to stop!

I hate it when that happens.

The boys return home.

Austen looks pale..beginning of migraine pale. I am starved. Cody wouldn't let me eat..he kept telling me to suck it up.

I send Austen to the fish dinner since it hadn't been eaten and all.

I start to fuss at Cody. Who responds. I DID NOT! I don't feel good...my head hurts!" 

They banter back and forth...and I blow up. Telling them to quit behaving like this. I'm sick of it, etc. I fuss at Cody for being unkind. I fuss at Austen for not listening to Cody.

In exasperation I look at Big B and say Do something! Talk to them..they can't keep behaving this way!"


Big B..just nods his head and watches t.v.

I start to remember a job add I saw for a private girls highschool in SA. I am so tempted to apply.

  and then I do the math? Tutors for the boys, gas, clothes (yes..I would need clothes), someone to cook food for Austen if we aren't here to do so..and I know it is not an option.

I continue my pity party. While Big B goes to sleep! 

 I wonder..how he can do that.

Austen withdraws to his room.

Cody takes a shower.

I begin to feel guilty.

I spend some time with Cody. It is not that I don't care he doesn't feel well. It's not that his brother is a "favored one".

It's that Austen is simply more medically fragile

Cody and I spend a lot of time discussing the effects of swelling in the brain stem, scarring of a frontal lobe, thalesemia, hypoglycemia..chronic pulmonary disorder, etc. Stuff  I haven't taken the time to really explain to Cody.

The importance of monitoring our diets for Austen. Not because we don't care about what the rest of the house wants..but because when Austen starts to get sick..it really scares me. I realize, I am simply waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Poor Cody..still fighting a headache through all the medical info overload. But asking genuine questions..I give him an aspirin..and bite my tongue and refrain from saying Here's an aspirin..see how lucky you are. Your brother can't take one. I refrain, because that? Would be tacky..and I have been tacky enough already.

I remember that anger is a secondary emotion. Austen looks and feels (overall) healthier now than he ever has..other than his weekly migraines. I am really angry at circumstances, not my family. Not feeling broke.

I kiss Cody on the head and tell him goodnight.


This morning over coffee, Big B and I talk. I ask him to bear with me..because I am not transitioning as gracefully as I would like.

We review our options. We contemplate again..whether he should stay home and I work..and then I panic. Why? Because I WANT to be the one here...because being the sole bread winner is a scary thing..and because I don't want to miss what is going on around here..even when we are all not-so-nice.

..and that is yet, another, AHA moment.

Life in My Living Room.

In response to a fairly recent "Reflections on my 42nd Birthday" post. I have been asked (in person) numerous times..

So What Next?

In response, I would like to introduce you to Life in my Living Room.


These random pics represent my living room..at almost any given time.

Any hour..honest to god..any hour, day or night.

We have a house of  teens and an infant.The kids.(.the short, the medium and the monstrously tall ones) keep similar sleeping/wake patterns,opinions, and sometimes temperaments.

I often state that I am hanging with my family because I can...but it is more than that.

I am home  because I want the luxury of time to nurture these relationships.

I believe it is important to be home so the teens can ignore me..and yes, being available to be both ignored and observed..does happen.

I have a friend named Jack.

Jack who dares me into parish ministry, and various other adventures. Jack who plays guitar with me. Jack told me recently,that he heard that children know everything their parents say/do within an 80 mile radius..even if they seem oblivous. Really. It's true...


....and sometimes?
 I believe Jack.








I want to grab those "green light moments" for both ridiculous and serious conversations.

So for a while?

Maybe a long while.(I hope)

 I am simply enjoying my Living Room Life.