All Characters Welcome

Levi was born Tuesday May 18th at 11:39 a.m. Our miracle boy is healthy and full of character. Mom is recovering just fine.

These are the things that Levi has explained to Aunt Nicole in the past 5 days. He says I can spread the word...

1. I love my mom. I try to follow her voice around the room.

 2. If my lip is sucked in..I'm playing possum. You only think I'm asleep.

3. If my lip is pouty looking, I really am asleep.

4. I like..and often demand..to be held. Kisses..those are nice too. If I make a fish-face and turn my cheek (see pic above) I expect kisses. If  I do not receive them, I will peek out at you with one eye and try again.

5.Lots of people LOVE me;)

6. I do not like to be read anything by Eudora Welty. It's probably genetic..my brother and cousins don't like it either.

7. I LOVE to be sang songs from Johnny Cash. It's a good thing Aunt Nicole just learned the words to "I got Stripes" at Kairos last weekend. In a crunch, I Got Stripes...will make me grin


What can I say? We have a lot of characters in our family...so like the adds say...

All Characters Welcome.

My Bags Are Packed...

and I'm SO not ready to go...

Actually..my bags are not even packed.

I have spent the past 2 weeks enjoying my time at home.

Big B and I have enjoyed having coffee on the deck. We watch the hummingbirds. He talks to the deer. You know, really charming things like Come here, venison, I have some bread for you... and he always throws out food..and the deer always come while he sweetly calls them names of meals he enjoys eating.

I have learned to drive fence-posts into the ground. I've finished planting the last of the basil in our organic garden. I am learning to guard things. In particular I have been guarding my zucchini from one lone baby chick..who keeps proudly finding ways through my awesome fence work, AND I've been guarding all of our chickens from one big, scary and beautiful hawk.

My method is simple. I watch the hawk, in awe, from a distance. It really is beautiful. When it enters the sky above our yard, I scream and yell and wave my hands while running. I am secretly hoping  that  it is not a human-eating hawk, because it sure looks like one to me!

I decide to enlist some help. I cannot, after all, spend all my time chasing this hawk. We pull out our fake owl and place him on our fence-post. The owl is our head guard, I only do occasional shift work for him (the owl) now.

When I am not screaming like a banshee in our yard,. I am generally, overcooking or under cooking or burning meals. We are still trying to stick to a Mediteranean (for us meaning primarily Italian..and some Greek) Diet. I am so grateful when the boys help cook. Things go much smoother when we work together and they remind me stuff is in the oven or on the stove.

This morning? I am playing on this blog, listening to Norah Jones, rotating laundry..and dreading the stack of dishes that has (yet again) appeared during the night.  It is slowly dawning on me that I am leaving tomorrow for the Kairos Prison Weekend in Hondo.

I have nothing ready. Still need to make a few dozen cookies, bake a cake, prepare some sort-of veggie pot-luck dish and write a bunch of letters. However..since I have no clean clothes..I will be rotating laundry all day.

 Finally? We were given strict orders from Austen's neurologist to stay on Mediteranean Diet, only with limited pasta...and a strict restriction on microwavable foods, anything with MSG, processed meats, etc.

Meaning? Austen and I need to spend some time today figuring out some simple meals he can cook while I am out of town with our veggies and organic red meats, fish and poultry. I guess if worse comes to worse, he can be a "fruit-a-tarian" while I am out of town.

So, today is the last day before I leave for this extended weekend. I am truly looking forward to it. However, Kairos is the first of three "bag-packing" events in a row.

I return on Sunday. On Monday..Austen and I head to SA. I hope to be with my sister during Levi's delivery on Tuesday. Please continue to keep them both in prayer.

Austen has some cardiology follow-ups. (To rule out things like ugh tumors and strokes. Hopefully, the key word here being rule out) So we plan to spend most of the week staying with my parents and hanging around the medical center.

Then? Barring no medical catastrophes (knocking on wood here), we head to Michigan for the Odyssey of the Mind Competition. Approximately 10 days of travel and competition viewing with this fun and motley crew of homeschooled teens and their moms. I am really looking forward to this.

I will return home..about two or three times during the next few weeks, to cook more food, do more laundry, tell Big B  things like hello, I love you..and see ya' later!  Because Big B?? He will continue to stay here and work and work and work. Big B does this so that the rest of us?

We can pack our bags.

Thanks to my Mom...

Yesterday was the reunion of the Mills College strike of 1990  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d7BGrWJXKu0

I have spent a lot of time in the past month, reconnecting with old Mills friends, reminiscing about how much this short span of my life helped form the person I am today...and remembering how I was not such an easy person to get along with at that time.

  I had dropped out of Mills, returned home, returned back to the Bay Area..only to discover that I was (gasp) pregnant with my oldest son. I was supposed to go to the SF Music Conservatory, but (ahem) was part of the process that blocked my own Mills transcripts from being sent!. This was my crash course in civil disobedience. My Mills peers fed me vitamin C..for the baby.. during the early strike days, and through it all I maintained my quest to be the true Renaissance Woman. Half-way through the strike I returned to Texas and began forming my own family. I continued to write letters to Trustees and watch the results on t.v.  This was before we all had internet..and I couldn't afford too many long-distance calls!

  My poor mom, did not know if I was coming or going! Yet, she stood beside me in whatever I chose to do. Now..she did not stand by silently. She was happy to give me her opinions along the way. But I always knew that she was standing by me..even if I didn't know how to stand on my own.

  As I was reflecting on all of this, it occurred to me, that my mother has shaped me in more ways than I can ever imagine. Even  more than I like to give Mills credit for. My years at Mills are without a doubt, some of the  most influential in my adult life.. but my mom..she shaped my beliefs, my values..my sense of compassion.

So for her, I would like to give this list of thanks.

Thank you.   for teaching me to be bold  (and to be bold politely).
You taught me to never fear new places,languages, people or things. It is an invaluable gift.


Thank you   for  teaching me the art of conversation..and for passing this on to your grandchildren.  Day after day, week after week and year after year of conversation. You taught me more through conversation alone,  than you can ever imagine.




Thank you  for teaching me I can always ask for directions.

Thank you  for teaching me the value of long-term commitment.

Thank you  for teaching me to stay in motion, when things get tough.

Thank you  for showing by example..that I can work when I want (or feel I  need) and stay home when I want (or feel I need) That I am truly free to engage in living.

Thank you    for supporting me when I am downright obnoxious, and trusting that "this, too, shall pass".

Thank you    for teaching me that "No one is better than me, and I am better than no one."

This morning I saw some photos of current Mills students celebrating the reunion of the Strike. It brought me to tears, to think that another 20  years of women had the luxury of a women's education. An education, by the way, whose goal is NOT anti-men. Rather, it is an education that allows for a small window of opportunity  to really focus on women. A chance for an almost unparalleled view of the world.

Very rarely do you get to say in your life..I was part of something bigger than myself....and here is the benefit of that. The Mills Strike is noted in history as a successful strike.
   

       We had a revolution.

       There was childcare,

        there was consensus,

       we sent thank you notes,

      we cleaned up after ourselves,

       and we won.

        We won!

I would not have been part of this experience (nor carried the knowledge of this experience into anything I do now). Nor would my own children be budding social-activists, (Pictured are Cody, Austen and friends with Darfur Coalliton at MLK March) if my mom had not been the woman she was and is.

Thanks Mom.

Hope you have a great Mother's Day. Your welcome to come make raviolis with us. (Yvonne is coming up). We're having a ravioli day.

Weekly Menu:

Monday: Irish stew, variety of fruits, dinner rolls, salad

Tuesday: Home-made pizza, stuffed clams, grapes

Wednesday: breakfast jacks, salad

Thursday: spaghetti, bread-sticks, green beans

Friday: zucchini bake, wild rice, sliced tomatoes and carrots

Saturday: corn-bread, beans and salad

Sunday: home-made spinach raviolis. 

John 13:34-45 short homily for nursing home chapel

 John 13:34-35: I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.

Grace and Peace to you..from God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.


Love.  What a powerful concept!

Love..has been known to change the course of history, make heroes out of ordinary people. Love can also be a source of tension and doubt. Love has been, and will continue to be, a source of wonderment for centuries past and centuries to come.

The fact is, love is one of the most difficult..and simple.. concepts we can encounter.

In this afternoon's Gospel, Jesus says, "I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another."


So how does God love us? What has he done for you? What has he done for me?

In the past couple of months, I have been spending some time preparing for a prison ministry. We are asked to spend a few days in prison..and simply, listen, love, listen love. We are asked to demonstrate God's grace, to the best of our human abilities.

One of the things that is done in preparation for this prison weekend, is to decorate place-mats for a special dinner. These place-mats are decorated by children. As I worked with groups of children in decorating these place-mats, the children and I spend  a lot of time discussing mistakes. Small mistakes, medium mistakes..and BIG mistakes.

Because I am working with young children..I usually confess to the time I STOLE Easter Candy from a good friend of mine..and then (ahem) BLAMED IT ON THE EASTER BUNNY.

2 really uncool things..I stole from a friend..I passed the blame onto the Easter Bunny. Yet..despite my small brush with crime and my willingness to blame my acts on an innocent bystander, God still loves me...and this type of unconditional love, is what we are asked to share with others.

This discussion on unconditional love..when talking to the younger elementary folks, usually leads to a discussion on..nose picking. Specifically, does God still love you when you pick your nose? We unanimously agree, that Yes, God still loves us. Then, one day, a young girl states. "But i'ts dirty! My mama says nose picking makes you dirty. Does God love me when I'm dirty?!"

..and the answer is Yes. God loves us even when we are dirty.

What has Jesus done for us?

I would like to quote Pastor Nadia from a sermon she gave at House of All Saints and Sinners regarding this question.

He's met us with dirty feet. God was made into man and walked among us--walked among the despised and wretched- the rich and haughty, and did so-does so- when we are unclean. The love of God comes to us, not when God is good and sure we believe all the right 
doctrine, but here, now, when our feet are dirty. He kneels before us and says "Here's what I'm about."

This is all we need to know. God pouring out God's self and saying- Don't be ashamed. I love you..just as you are.


Now..you do the same!

God's Peace.

Paycheck Player No More

I am typing this after only being unemployed for 36 hours.

Truth is..I don't usually work on Fridays and Saturdays anyway...so I have been surprised at the strange freedom I feel.

It is strange not having the Club as the backdrop of all my thoughts. I did not realize  how much of my time is spent on planning. You know..while I'm driving, while I'm cooking,while I'm somewhere with my kids... Always contemplating in the back of my head how to problem solve with various kids/families in overcoming some of life's basic hurdles. Also time-consuming is just basic planning in things like Be Great, Young Inventors, Backyard Ballistics, Odyssey of the Mind, Power Hour, etc. It is freeing to just be where I am..and not planning anything. It has been a long time.

Please don't misconstrue this. My family and I have been deeply enriched by our years at the Club

I was overwhelmed by the generosity of the Club Staff, Board and Kids when I left. They surprised me with numerous cards, hugs, candy (Snickers..my freezer is FULL),hugs, a collage of pics from the past 6 years, hugs ..more cards and a skit put on by some of the older OM kids.

The skit was complete with lots of humor on my grouchiness without coffee, my demanding of shower-taking and my ability to get lost everywhere.Made me laugh. Made me cry. More hugging.

..and then I came home.

So what is different? What is the same?

 A lot is the same. Same is the mountains of laundry. The bills to pay. The books to read. The dishes to wash. The garden to care for. The chickens. The family..etc. I am still looking forward to being Levi's aunt. We will still be without an air-conditioner. I am still discouraged by Arizona's passing of anti-immigration laws..and relieved Texas has not followed suit. Yet wondering, as we "secure" borders when our nation will remember that (ahem) The Berlin Wall Fell!..and why we think we are different.  I am still bemused by the Texas Board of Educations latest decision to rewrite history to fit a specific world-view..and wondering if they have LOST THEIR MINDS??? I am still not very good at keeping my opinions to myself....and last, but not least, the genocide in Darfur continues.

I will have no more pay-checks. That will be different.

I had time to visit with Austen's pottery teacher and to even play with the potterywheel. That was a nice different.


I could f-i-n-a-l-l-y say YES to Shakespeare at the Park with the boys this summer.

I had the luxury of hanging around Kerrville with NO AGENDA..while waiting for Cody to take his SAT Math 2.

Tonight I will volunteer at the Relay for Life..because I want to.

I am enjoying planning our road-trip to Michigan with the SAHERO OM team..where I am going as a parent..and nothing more. True..it will be an insane road-trip..with 4 homeschool moms and 7 teens in one van..(or maybe 2?) But I am really looking forward to it.


I am enjoying reading (or re-reading) and discussing the Ender Series with Austen because I have the time to do so.

and most of all????

I am enjoying wearing my own clothes and sandals!

Crazy Weekend

                                                        Katie, Cody and Elle










Cody and Elle


                                                      





Where does the flower go? 
Cody, Mr. Tokar (Elle's grandpa) and Elle

                                          
                                                                                                             


Jeff (Mr. Pavliska) helps Cody straighten up

I am weak. Very, very weak.

Cody had Prom over the weekend. What's a proud mom supposed to do? I facebook shared his pictures..mainly because I was  too impatient for him to put his own pics on my computer.

For more pics and a better synopsis of prom and our World Finals OM TEAM!!!..check out sardine mama at Sardines in a Can: Shall We Get Reaquainted? I Think We Shall!

sardinesinacan.blogspot.com

I went to prison (for training) on Sat. a.m.. I have never been to a mens prison before. Juvenile and Womens. But not a men's facility.. I started getting really nervous...about crazy things. I wasn't worried about going in..I  was  worried that they would find a dinosaur or a dragon in my pocket. You know..those toy things. I seem to always find them in my pockets. I envisioned having my car checked...and being okay.  I had cleaned all strange OM items out and thrown them in the morning room floor. I figured I'd get through the metal detector..and then they would pat me down..and there it would be. The dinosaur. (or dragon). Unintentional contraband!

I checked my pockets several times. ID yes..car keys..yes. Dinosaur..No..Oh..you better check again. Dinosaurs are sneaky sometimes.

I'm glad to say, I went through without any problems. We spent a lot of time discussing manipulation tactics and hostage situations. It was an interesting experience..and then I had to rush back to our home-town..so I could take-off for Austin.

Big B and I had promised  Brian and Angee a visit. They had an Ultimate Frisbee tournament over the weekend> (which we arrived too late to see) They apparently played awful, but had a blast. So we treated them to dinner. Then, in true parental fashion, Big B and I  fell asleep during a movie. We had breakfast with them this a.m..and then rushed back home to get ready for Tania's baby shower.

My..THAT was interesting.

First of all, I would like to say that despite the fact that we are out in the middle of nowhere..and that people had to drive through a town that  had more horses than usual wandering down Mainstreet (Yes..we do have a Mainstreet..and horses that wander through it), We had a really nice turnout..about 35 people total. It was a families invited baby shower.

Played some games, ate some food, visited with lots of family and friends..and then? Well..things got weird.

Austen gets another migraine..these are becoming more and more frequent..we give him some medicine..and make a nest for him on our bed.

Then??

It appears there was a shooting in the neighborhood. The subdivision was blocked off. Kids were ushered inside..and no one was allowed out.

Guests joked about the situation..some of the adults watched the end of the Spurs game, while about 7 boys played on the floor with Fisher Price Little People. Other adults congregated around tables, speculating what might have happened and calling spots to sleep if they are stuck for the night.

Still..no one allowed to leave.We reminisced about my Music Recital Gone Wrong several years ago..where one father had to arrest another during the recital..but both apologized to me and waited for all the kids to play before playing their roles in the ordeal.

Please don't get me wrong. Arrests and shootings are not ordinary occurrences here. Just seems to happen whenever we are hosting an event! In particular, events in which we serve finger foods and serve unleaded drinks from a punch bowl. Now that is interesting...we have barbecue and margaritas...no incident. Serve sandwiches and punch..guaranteed an exciting evening!

More story telling. Joking about what people want for breakfast....The natives were getting restless..cordial, but restless.

Then?

I am informed that our ac unit has blown up. You mean like on fire? I ask. Uhmm..not anymore. It appears our ac has deffinately gone up in smoke.I start to casually open windows while guests visit with eachother. What are you doing?asks my dad. I explain the situation. My dad and my uncle hold their hands over the vent and debate whether the ac is indeed broken or just the fan is running. They arestill  debating when my friend runs in and says (in a very urgent voice) Turn it off! Big B keeps shocking himself. Sparks are flying everywhere! It will be a while before we can replace it.

Luckily..my dad had brought some box-fans for us to take to the Club. Hmm..maybe I'll just take some of them to the Club.....

Finally we receive word that guests are allowed to leave. It must, however, be a mass exodus..where all cars are checked at the gates to the subdivision. The constable was waiting for them.

In the rush, my nephew is missing. Family members decide he must be with someone else..and if not..well..I can just hang on to him. Aren't family great!:) My father calls from the front gate to let me know that he does have Calvin, after all.

So in a snap of the finger..our house is empty..as people run to make sure they don't get left behind...except for one couple. They are still story-telling with Big B on the Back Deck. I am tempted not to tell them that it is a now or never moment.

Now? It is quiet. The house is clean, people are recovering. What can I say? A prom, prison, a visit to Austin and a  Baby-Shower we will all remember for a long time.

It has truly been a crazy weekend.

Facebook Vacation

I was once told by a childhood friend, that when things get rough, I just walk away and ignore the problem. For several years I wondered if she was right.

I think not.

I think I study an issue for quite a while before deciding to open other doors for myself and those I love. I am aware that I am losing something in the process, but I also realize that sometimes, changes are necessary.

For instance..when my  9 year old son was told that in order to have dyslexia services provided he would have to skip 2 grades and start junior high,  my 6 year old put his head on his desk and left it there for 6 weeks and my 5 year old asked why peach was "skin color". I knew it was time to bring my children home to learn.

I pulled them out, not just because it wasn't working for them..and in one case I was horrified at what he was being taught, but I didn't like who we were becoming in that environment. I was labeled neurotic mom..because, you know..I wanted my children to have services provided for them. Brian had begun running a numbers game at the ripe old age of 9, Cody was completely shutting down and Austen couldn't understand why his slightly olive colored skin didn't match the peach he was given. I was horrified at the community that said these things were okay. I was becoming angry and defensive. I did not like the stereotypes we were becoming.

When Austen played Little League Baseball. He played for 2 seasons, before being placed on a team that was considerably older than him. We asked to have him returned to his own age group. They told us no, they needed players and his coach said, "don't worry, we'll figure out something to do with him." ..and they did. They let him sit on the bench...until I asked if he would get to play (you know, over halfway through the season). It was explained to me that my son had no skill and this was a competitive league. He was asked to sit on a bucket of balls for the rest of the season. By this time we had watched our son be humiliated for almost an entire season. We watched a boy who truly loved the game of baseball, wither before our eyes as he tried to please a coach who didn't pretend to tolerate him. We wondered if Austen was doing something offensive. He was not. He was simply 7 on a team of 9 year old boys. Once again, I was horrified at the community that said this was okay. It's just how this coach is. We pulled our son out and let him play ball with another league where he could, you know, play and learn like other 7 year old boys his age. Am I sorry I left that community? Absolutely not. I did not like who we had become in it.

And so it is with facebook.

I originally opened a facebook account so we could send some family pics to the family of our soon-to-be exchange student. It stayed as simply a medium for the two families to communicate for almost 2 years.

 I discovered some old college friends..from a college that was probably more influential in my adult life than anything else. I treasured these connections. It was fun. Next, I found friends from childhood..I added my friends from the homeschooling community. Some of my peers from the club..and saw it as a place to communicate with those doing anti-genocide work, as well as a way to keep communication open with some of the friends I have made in refugee work..I also enjoy communicating with family. It is fun.

But not always.

People are often much bolder on a computer..and in the past year..more than once I have offended others unintentionally. Like the time I said our local Sonic hired emancipated youth from the local Children's Shelter. You can't imagine how offensive that was to some people. Who knew?

Or the time, that I posted I was relieved my son could no longer be denied healthcare. Wow..the hate messages were flying my way..both publicly and privately. After all...I was a slacker. Who did I think he was to have these rights..and I was a socialist, communist, xyz. (which..by the way...I am not).

I have made a conscious effort to stay clear of political issues on facebook.

I have tried to stay clear of religious issues..

.but I have been a bit concerned at the numerous extremist groups I find on facebook. Anti-(name any religion here), anti-same-sex, ..and then the prayers for the death of certain political figures start.

This is where I draw the line.

Once again, I am making a conscious choice to take a break from what was supposed to be a chance to communicate with people who are dear to me and I don't see often.  Facebook, for me is fun.  Lately, however, facebook is causing me more physiological reactions than I care to acknowledge.My stomach wants to turn... My heart often flutters in my chest..and I think..why are people posting these things! I don't want to be reading this stuff!

  I understand that individuals who post these statements have not really thought through the ramifications of what they are saying.  Unfortunately, I am all too clear on the domino effects to things like genocide. I want no part of it. Especially in the name of a country or faith that I care about deeply.

Once again, I am choosing to leave a community (in this case..facebook) that allows these things to be posted in the name of  freedom.

Bullying, threats and prayers for another's death?! Really. Not okay.

I do not like who I am becoming in this environment. So, for now, I choose another medium to communicate with those I love.

That said..I will..instead..enjoy today finishing a long-overdue paper, visiting (you know..in person and everything) with my parents..and finally..taking PROM PICTURES of Cody. Now that? That is the way to live.

 God's Peace.
 Nicole

Changes Are A-Comin'

I am sitting at my desk. Listening to the hum of the fish tank.

The fish are our foster-fish. The fish are left from when the Gonzales family was staying with us. The boys (Michael, Jose and Bryan) visit them weekly. We are simply taking care of the fish until the Gonzales' finish building their house.

In the past 3 years, Big B, Cody, Austen and I have shared our home with 10 other souls. We have enjoyed their presence in our lives. In May, Michael and Mason will be moving into their own home...leaving...just me, Big B, Cody and Austen.

Wow.

We are starting to dream about what our house will look like with just our immediate family. We are planning to remodel much of the inside of the house. We hope to pull carpets, lay wooden laminate flooring, put up new sheet-rock, pour a large concrete slab for car-repair (we live on dirt roads), and add a rec/guest room. The rec room ( Big B says Please don't call it a wreck room..it's bad karma.) for our sons and their friends to hang as they enter late high-school/early college years. Especially if either of the remaining boys choose to go to college locally and commute! ..and guest room for primarily Brian/Angee and both sets of grandparents.

We are still playing a waiting game on the building Cody hopes to acquire for EuroTrans Automotive. We expect to have no resolution for a few months.

My last day at the Boys and Girls Club is in a few weeks. For the first time in over 6 years, I return to full-time stay-home mom. I am so relieved. I have loved working at the Club, but this time with my family is long overdue.

And then there is Levi. My sister is having a baby! His name is Levi:)

Expected due date? Last weekend in May. It finally hit me over Easter weekend..that this is really happening. Levi is really going to be born. For a number of reasons, this is a very high-risk pregnancy. I ask all to keep fingers crossed, send good ju-ju, pray for my sister and Levi.

Bib B and I are planning to help support my sister in raising Levi. None of us knows exactly what that will look like yet. (My sister included) Hopefully, we will partner with my sister as she parents. We expect to have Levi around our house-hold a lot. For the same reasons my sister is a high-risk pregnancy..motherhood will be difficult for her. We hope to help her find the joy in parenting.

I am beginning to get excited. We have become very comfortable in a house of teens and young adults. It will be nice to share our home with a baby again.

So yeah..changes are a-comin'!

(staying pretty much the same..Weekly Menu)
Sunday: chili, corn-bread, salad
Monday: Michael and Pam cook..?
Tuesday: Potato and Tomato Al Forno, grapes and apples
Wednesday: Fish Stew, bread-sticks, spinach salad
Thursday: spaghetti, french bread, green-beans
Friday: Odyssey..mixer and tacos
Saturday: ODYSSEY ..pizza? Golden Coral?

Cajun Crab Boil

Sunday night we go to Austin to drop off Austen (named after a friend, not the city). Austen was working during most of Spring Break, when Brian was visiting. Austen and Brian decide they want some bonding time. Hence, the drive to Austin.We arrive later than we intended..because, well..Austen was still working.

We go out for boba tea.

Angee is trying to study, so we decide to clear the apartment for a bit. Over tea we discuss The Graduate School Contest.

Brian and Michael are having a contest to see who will get a graduate degree first. It appears Michael will win. (by one semester?)..Then Brian pulls the age card. Well..it depends..are we going by soonest date..or youngest? Because, actually? Austen is going to be hangin' with me in my imaging class..so..he wins! The fact that visiting a class hardly qualifies as actually receiving an MA or PHD seems to be irrelevant. The boys agree. Austen wins!

We make a grocery store run. (wouldn't want to STARVE the college students)..when Angee says..the best part of my job is we get free hospital food...I mean up to $8, every time we work...and Brian says So..did you want to go to the grocery store?

Then? Big B and I know that we have, indeed, been starving the college students.

Finally, at almost 10 pm.,We eat. I don't know how Big B and I could have forgotten college time..


Here is the Cajun Crab Boil..before we devour it...and OOPS. We accidentally destroy the coffee table! Apparently spice and steam do not do well with varnish. Sorry guys!

Big B, Cody and I arrive back in Bandera around 1 a.m. ..It is nice to have Brian and Angee live nearby.

Weekly Menu (dinners only)

Monday grilled sandwiches (with choice of swiss cheese, goat cheese, ham, berries and marmalade) and seasoned potatoes
Tuesday spinach raviolli, sliced fruit, ciabatta bread
Wednesday panini with grilled eggplant and mazarella, roasted red pepper soup
Thursday lasagna, spinach salad, french bread, brownies
Friday roast, wild rice, mushrooms with garlic
Saturday leftovers
Sunday Easter Barbecue! Peasant Soup, gazpacho, brisket, turkey legs, chips and dip, etc.

All are welcome.

Owning Our Learning

Several years ago, when Cody was in Scouts, he was asked to create a chart of the hierarchy in his school. Once completed he would earn a badge...and at the ripe old age of 9, Cody LOVED badges.

We thought about it for awhile. We had no superintendent, no principal, no school board, etc. In the end, Cody's chart looked something like this.

U.S. Constitution

(allowing freedom of education)
/ \

Me and Family

(working together to discern what I want to learn and how to go about it)
/\

Educational Approaches
(so many to choose from..what will work for me?)
/\
Resources

(friends, family, museums, books, tutors, life)

Cody thought this was a ridiculously long list..until he saw the list of his schooled peers.

He was mortified to see that his friends were listed UNDER the resources of their schools. In other words..they were at the bottom of the list.

This list was pivotal for my children to recognize that they had the power in their own learning...and that having that power was a gift..and sometimes that gift is a little scary.

For instance, there is always my own yearly panic. Because I grew up with more traditional learning..and it is so much easier to have a checklist of things learned or "needed to learn". And, while Cody and Brian embraced this newly discovered power, Austen was terrified. For years, he just said. I don't want to decide..anything. YOU decide!!!

And so we would. Whatever his brothers were doing..we'd plug him in.

We ask him to do yoga, nature walks and nature journals. He would say Aww (with a grin) and comply.
We ask him to draw pictures of stories from Greek Myths. He would say Aww (with a grin) and comply.
Finally, he asked for more structure..but could we please tell him what to do. So for 1 1/2 years we said. Read for two hours, write (or copy) an essay and do something mathematical. He said Aww (with a grin)..you know the story.

Somewhere along the way, Austen began coming into his own.

Now? This young man is creating his own path in territory his brothers wouldn't have dared. Because..truth be told..once they got to high school? Cody and Brian wanted (needed?) the security of a more structured co-operative or tutors outside our home for the higher maths and sciences. Austen? Trusts us to meet all his needs here. Yikes!

So now we enter the second year of our small little high-school co-op.

This past month, our teens realized that the year was starting to wrap up. It was time to think about what they wanted to do during co-op next year.

I would like to introduce you to our "Board of Directors". (Okay..we're missing Angela)



Pictured are Devin, Austen and Amanda..(and myself..but I'm not on the Board)

It has been fascinating to watch these guys in action! For 2-3 weeks..they throw out possibilities. Great Books? Math? Junior Achievement?

Language..what language? Devin wants German. Austen wants French. Angela thinks in Texas they should learn Spanish..Mandy says..well..how about sign language? Does that work?

They all agree that sign language is the way to go for co-op. They can learn Spanish in life..and order Rosetta Stone for anything else and study on their own.

They make a conscious choice to put off studying lit and comp during co-op for another year..so they can hold eachother accountable in Algebra and Geometry.

The debates continue week after week..and in the meantime, they continue playing with hydraulic systems, helping eachother work through algebra books and playing Apples to Apples.

Finally? They tell the parents. This is what we want.

So here is the list:

Quelf..because it's an awesome game and we want some new games..we'll give you a list of more games later.

Gyrocopter parts (kit?) and to finish the Milestones in Science time-line and experiment kit on rainy days or when we are waiting for miscellaneous parts to come in. We'll call it physics.

Someone to teach us: art (want to learn a different style..but the boys may still continue with Veronica as well, while the girls return to music lessons (piano), fashion design and sign language.

More Saxon Math Books..preferably enough for each of us so we don't have to keep sharing. We'll call it Algebra and Geometry. We just mainly want to hold each-other accountable..because none of us like to do it...well..we sort-of like it, actually.


So there we have it. We take the list, and tell them we think this is reasonable. They are all working summer jobs. They may have to help us with the purchase of the gyrocopter parts. We will start the search for someone to teach them fashion design and sign language. But otherwise
we will continue co-op next year.

And Austen? He says Aww.(with a big grin)..and puts the list on my desk.

Emptying Oursleves

I have this addiction to labels.

I don't care to label other people..just myself and those closest to me. I want to put myself in a box so I can have some rules. (you know..rules to break) and in creating my own labels, I keep a hold on something. I refuse to be empty. Why? Because empty means room for other things. Empty means lack of control...and when things around me are completely out of control, (Kids health, etc) I want something to grasp onto.

When the kids were younger we were a Catholic School Family. Yeah...well..that didn't last long.

Then? We were homeschooling family. But that was not enough. I needed to know what type of home schoolers were we? Were we un schoolers, eclectic, school-at-homers, Charlotte Mason, Waldorf, Montessori? I wanted a label! We settled on Waldorf-Inspired Unschoolers. There. I had given us some parameters.

Then there's our co-op. Riverside Homeschool Initiative. What type of Initiative? We can't just say we're a co-op. We want to be honest for transcripts and stuff. So what do the families agree on? We are a Waldorf-Inspired Democratic Homeschool Cooperative. Now really? Are colleges really going to look at that? Probably not.

Then there was what type of parents are we? Are we authoritative? No way. Authoritarian? Nope. Permissive?...maybe?

Aha. Attachment parenting. I didn't even know there was such a term until Brian was almost 11. I was so relieved to know there was a parenting style that almost fit us. Better than that, this label I previously didn't know existed.. fit us well. We "wore"our children. We have a family bed. We home school.

Then? Last year a nine-year old boy is found riding a subway in New York and the birth of "Free-Range Kids" began. This threw me off. Well..we let our kids do all these things. But we're attachment parents.

Can you be Attachment Parents and have Free Range Kids? Does that even make sense?

I decide to confer with Big B.

We had quietly stepped over bodies of anonymous Austen friends. You know, those bulky teenage bodies buried in blankets. These bodies were camping in our yard and had mysteriously transported themselves to the living room floor during the night. These bodies smelled of camp-fire and gasoline.

I hand Big B a cup of coffee and whisper: Do you think our kids are Free Range?

Big B: You mean like the Chickens?

Me: Well, yeah.

Big B: Hmm..we just stepped over three boys who smell like fire and spent half the night beating eachother with sticks. Cody and Mason are currently boarding a fishing boat in a storm. Yes. I would say they are "Free Range Kids".

Me: They weren't sticks. They're sticks with foam..they are lairing..or larping..or whatever they call it.
(Big B raises eyebrow and grins).Okay..they were beating each other with sticks.

Big B: ..and they had a blast. So what does it matter what you call it?

Me: It just does. Because if they are free-range kids. Does that make us Slow Parents?..and if we're Slow Parents are we still attachment parenting?

Big B: You're a dork, you know that? Where is Austen right now?

Me: In our bed. He said he was cold and jumped in while you were in the shower.

Big B: So we have a 15 year old chicken in our bed and you are asking us if we attachment parent? (another grin) Your going into a speed wobble. ..and why is this important?

...and I know he is right. It is not important. It is down-right silly, but it is a way to avoid just letting things be.

When I was in college (the first time around), I spent the end of my sophomore year and part of of my junior year constantly listening to the hurt of those around me. I also celebrated in their joys. Basically, I immersed myself in other people. Let's face it, I like people. I am a very social creature at heart.

I immersed myself so much, that my room-mate pulled me aside and said, "Stop. Refill. You're going to be like an empty refrigerator. There will be nothing left." ..and she was right. I knew she was right. I also knew that without being "empty" I couldn't really listen. I chose to ignore my roommate. I lost myself along the way.

When I had my own family (less than a year later), I found myself constantly fighting for some me time. I knew it was important to recharge..but sometimes, I become so busy recharging..thinking of myself. That my world-view takes a paradigm shift with me at it's center.

Also not healthy.

So this struggle goes on. I know I need to empty myself to listen to those around me. To offer that healing space for others..but geez, I think so highly of myself sometimes. It's just so hard to let go. Bottom line? I can't do it. Not by myself.

I listen to learn. (because I like to learn) but that is still very self-involved. Still about me. I have been thinking about how to do this emptying when we receive a handout at our last Kairos team-building.

I would like to share some of this here:

Offering A Healing Space (from Compassion: A Reflection on the Christian Life.)

To pay attention to others with the desire to make them the center and to make their interests our own is a real form of self-empting, since to be able to receive others into our intimate inner space we must be empty. That is why listening is so difficult. It means moving away from the center of attention and inviting others into that space.

From experience we know how healing such an invitation can be. When someone listens to us with real concentration and expresses sincere care for our struggles and our pains, we feel that something very deep is happening to us. Slowly, fears melt away, tensions dissolve, anxieties retreat, and we discover that we carry within us something we can trust and offer as a gift to others. The simple experience of being valuable and important to someone else has a tremendous recreative power.

If we have been given such an experience, we have received a precious kind of knowledge......Every time we pay attention we become emptier, and the more empty we are the more healing space we can offer. And the more we see others being healed, the more we will be able to understand that it is not thorugh us but through Christ in us that this healing takes place.

When I first read this I thought.."this is it." This is what I knew somewhere deep down when Tami was telling me I can't be an empty fridge. She was both right and wrong. Good grief..it's only taken me nearly 20 years to understand it!

Now?

The tricky part. To make it habit. This emptying of myself. To let go of my silly labels. To truly empty myself.

To enjoy the journey.

Spring Break?

I am sitting here, typing away on a blog because?

Because reality has hit and I am panicking!

As my family takes this week to play, I am realizing just how much stuff I have neglected in the past month!

I have been so busy sitting in doctors offices (still averaging 4 visits a week..it is insane, this sitting in offices all the time) and trying to occupy myself outside of Odyssey, that I forgot the stuff I had to do.

Our garden? Still in the process of making boxes. We decided to block off half of the current garden area from the chickens, instead of starting all over again. My deck is still full of sprouting zucchini's, sunflowers and green beans.

My Great-Books? Still plodding along. Enjoying this, actually.

Our new Mediterranean Diet? Still in trial and error. Everyone is still taking turns cooking This week?
Monday- leftover tortellini and steaks..tacos from Taco Cabana
Tuesday- nachos (Big B is cooking)
Wednesday - eggplant parmigiana, sausage and tomatoes
Thursday- baked salmon, wild-rice, salad (Austen cooks)
Friday - make your own pizza
Saturday - mason cooks..don't know yet.
Sunday-Cody cooks..don't know yet.

Decluttering?
Still on a role. We are now down to three book-shelves in our home. THAT is truly amazing.

Now for the stuff I haven't done.
1. Finish my books, and write a paper (2?) for my parish ministry training program
2. laundry
3. Start and finish my driver's ed online
4. laundry
5. Go to the TDC training for Kairos
6. laundry
7. Order the cookies from SYSCO for Kairos
8.laundry
9. finish the mentoring paperwork for the Club.
10. laundry

Why do we have so much laundry?

These are things that need to plod through during Spring Break?

My kids? They are having fun!

Brian and Angee are in SA for the Break. They came up to Bandera this weekend. Hung out for Micheal's graduation/birthday barbecue...and restrained their nerdiness by NOT giving him lots of pie since it was Pi-day. They, did, however, make sure we all knew about Pi-day. They are spending most of the break visiting their families and playing Ultimate Frisbee. (in theory the non-tackling version..but I hear rumors otherwise). Brian did go back to kerataconous specialist to have one of his lenses re-adjusted.

Cody and Mason? They are deep-sea fishing as we speak. They are both spending time hanging out with friends, the beach..and I believe Cody is ice-skating with friends when he returns.

Austen? work. He is still working at the water-park, and OMing with his team. We did treat ourselves to a movie last night. Austen and I saw The Green Zone. We both enjoyed it...and I believe he is planning to join Cody and teens at the ice-skating rink in SA.

Signing off, to read, write and rotate laundry.

Survey Says..

We have been taking polls all week during meals.

Our primary participants have been Mason, Austen, Cody, Devin, Big B, and Me. We have occasionally been joined by Michael and Pam, Ricci and Sandy and the co-op kids as well.

Survey Says...

Favorite Wine? (because this is the funnest survey) It was unanimous -Twin Oaks Sweet Red Wine.

Favorite breakfast? the boys seemed to gravitate to yogurt (with fruit) and toast and jelly.

Favorite lunch? The pitas were ditched in favor of the Greek wraps with pb, honey and granola. Also? Boiled eggs.

Favorite snack? apples with caramel, honey-flavored peanuts.

Favorite dinner? Home-made pizza (okay..from the Chef Boyardee Box) of course!. ..followed closely by Fish in Crazy Water (except for our vegetarian) who stuck to baked zucchini and mixed greens. Also a favorite the tomatoes (specifically the tomatoes) in the Ratatouille.

Favorite dessert? chocolate cheese cake...(except for our non-chocolate eater..also our non-meat eater). He says? Yogurt.

Favorite conversation? I believe soccer prevailed. Followed closely by car-repairs, upcoming wedding plans (for Michael and Pam) , SAT's, girls (specific girls, actually) and summer jobs..or lack thereof..

Signing off to eat dinner on the deck;)

Mediterranean Diet, OM and the Garden

Wow!

Wow is all I can think to say in order to express the past 48 or so hours. It seems like it has been a lifetime since my last post. (What 3 days ago?)

Shortly after retrieving the missing hand for our OM team last week, I returned home to pick up Austen for a pottery lesson. He was s-i-c-k. Migraine coming on. Long story short..within 2 hours he was in the local ER and did not know who we were.

As far as anyone can make out, he became dehydrated the day before. (Work, OM, hot-tub)..His RBC counts are currently out-of-control. Austen (like Big B and Brian-Scott) has thalessemia minor. It is a blood disorder that often runs in people of Mediterranean heritage. Similar to sickle-cell..but a little different.

In Austen's case, by the time we had taken him to the ER, he had vision disturbance, altered mental state, migraine galore. Think diabetic whose blood levels are skyrocketing. This led to a grand-mal seizure. (Not thalesemia related..but because he has a history of epilepsy)

In Big B's family, thalessemia is primarily treated by diet. Occasional hospitalizations are needed. Occasional blood transfusions are done, but in the scope of thalessemia patients..the De Mariano's (Big B's family) blood counts are usually pretty controlled.

We have not been paying attention to this diet at all.

So Big B stayed home with Austen. His teams (yes both of them) did GREAT without him;). Austen called us at the competition every few hours to get an update. (2 of our Club teams will go onto State..the other two are already making plans for next year)

Big B let Austen (gasp) break into our Kairos cookies..and the two of them decided to pitch a tent and camp-out around a camp-fire in the back yard. They spent the weekend commiserating since a) They both missed the tournament b) Austen is processing that he will be unable to get his driver's permit and c) they are both accepting that a slew of doctors appointments and a return to anti-seizure meds. for Austen will be inevitable.

Once we returned from our Odyssey venture. I had some time to re-research the thalessemia info. How do I control this with diet? I know what the De Mariano's do. We have just been negligent. But what else? We have one picky vegetarian. 3 family members with thalessemia and one with ulcerative colitis. We keep ending up with someone in hospitals. I HAVE to spend more time on really planning our meals. (which anyone who knows me, knows how ridiculous this is..the kitchen is NOT my forte')

I revisit the Mediterranean Food Alliances site. I realize that the Mediterranean Food Pyramid and the Vegetarian Food Pyramid are not that different. I also realize that to say we are on a Mediterranean Diet seems silly , since there are over 16 countries with very different food choices that make-up the Mediterranean Region.

Big B and I discuss how to readjust our lifestyle to more healthy living for all of us. We decide to give the Mediterranean Diet a try (but not too strict..after all..we live in S.Texas and host barbecues all the time). We decided to stick primarily to Southern Italian and Greek food, since that is what the taste-buds in our home seem to like.

Big B and I also realize that many of the vegetables needed are the ones we are currently growing on the deck (waiting to be put in our organic garden) right now. Right now, our sunflowers, marigolds (not to be eaten but placed in garden boxes) are sprouting..along with the cucumbers, squashes, zucchinis and beans. Isn't that convenient!

We start to throw out all the junk in the house...and replace them with healthier alternatives.

For drinks we cut out the sodas and gatorades. We are keeping water, tea (hot and iced),water, coffee (teas and coffee's are actually important for those who have thalessemia), water, 100% juices, water and a glass or two of red wine for dinner. (The kids like this wine part)

Our breakfast choices are from yogurt, boiled eggs, whole-wheat toast with jam, hot cereal with nuts and raisins and fruit.

Our lunch choices are from various wraps, pitas, salads and leftovers...with an ongoing selection of fruits and nuts.

Dinner? This week's menu is (I haven't done this in a long time)
Monday:lasagna with ciabatta bread, green beans and salad
Tuesday: baked pasta with zucchini, greens served with olive oil and lemon
Wednesday: fish in crazy water, steamed potatoes, roasted zucchini
Thursday(Austen cooks):ratatouille, fruit salad, french bread
Friday: Minestrone soup, garlic bread sticks, cucumbers and carrots with feta
Saturday: ? Mason cooks..whatever Mason feels like cooking
Sunday: barbecued steak, veggie burgers and twice-baked potatoes.
( It's Micheal's birthday/graduation from college bash!)

All for now. Need to run some errands before Austen and I hang out in the doctor's office again. Hope to upload some pics from the weekend soon.

Boys and Girls Club meets Odyssey of the Mind

The past few days I have spent my morning in prayer. (centering prayer, meditation, whatever you want to call it). I have prayed for every kid, coach, judge, parent and driver involved with our Odyssey of the Mind teams.

This praying has reminded me of the beauty of each of these kiddoes. It has helped me be less spastic. Most of all, it has shown me what a gift I have been given. The gift of sharing this alternate universe (the Club meets OM universe) with families I may otherwise, never get to know.

I was recently awarded a beautiful blogger award (which I have no idea how to show or pass on by the way) from sardine mama at sardinesinacan.blogspot.com

I was awarded, not so much, for my impressive writing style;)..as my craziness in coaching 4 Odyssey of the Mind teams. I have been thinking about this a lot lately. Coaching too many OM teams..and why I keep coming back.

First I want to clarify. I am the education coordinator for a Boys and Girls Club. We are sending 4 teams. I coach spontaneous to all 4 teams and oversee them all. But I am only coaching or assistant coaching 3 of them. So..not as crazy as it may seem. I have been lucky to have some volunteers step forward to coach our junior high team.

Now to truly appreciate the beauty of Boys and Girls Club meets OM you need to know what both the Club and OM is.

The Boys and Girls Club is a community center who primarily serve disadvantaged youth from the ages of 6-18. Our annual membership is $10 a year. We scholarship some of our families. I live in the rural Tx. Hill Country. Meaning..of the kids on my OM teams..70% live below the poverty level.

Yes..their parents/parent/relative work. Sometimes two or three jobs. These kids are latch-key kids by necessity. These parents are the nurses aids, the dishwashers, the wait-staff the bartenders, the ranch hands. Our families are used to going for periods of time without water or electric. Some are occasionally homeless. Locating the next meal is on the minds of many.

Our families not below the poverty level are often from foster-homes. Some of our families are migrant workers. Quite a few of our kids are born in prison. They are raised by other family members. A few simply have medical or physical disabilities. About 10% of our Club kids we refer to as our "milk and cookie kids". They add a nice balance to the mix.

Every one of these kids has at least one (if not more) family or foster-family member that deeply cares about them. If not..we would never see them at the Club. We try to partner closely with these families and help them deal with the life circumstances that come their way...and I am humbled by many of these kids and their families.

Now..take these kids. Many who are ghost kids or fighters as a matter of survival..and introduce them to Odyssey of the Mind.

Wow..what a spicy group!

We have a lot of fun. We have a lot of tears. We have a lot of panic, which can quickly degenerate into cuss words. We learn new methods of relating. We have a lot of hugs.

I see kids reach beyond the perceived barriers of their immediate environment. I see families proud of their children who are often overlooked. I see little miracles happen all around me.

It is holy.

In Greek..hiero..(holy) means different. This is interesting considering our current Western understanding of the word holy. But it's original form meant different. Synagogues were considered holy because they were different.

One of my favorite songs is titled "holy ground"..the lyrics go something like "This is holy ground; we're standing on holy ground..." I challenge you to substitute the word "holy" with the word "different". This is how I feel about my time with these kids and OM.

It is different ground..we're standing on different ground...and I feel privileged to be a part of this strange combination of Worlds.

Does this mean OM solves these kids problems? No.

Does this mean our Club kids blow the more traditional teams away? No way. We hold our own... usually. Sometimes we do awesome..like world finals awesome. Sometimes we just tank and bottom out. We learn from our mistakes.

Does this mean I am going to be scrambling around this morning looking for vampire teeth, lab coats and a missing rubber hand? Absolutely!

One of the other coaches from another team put it best. I think her words were "Don't underestimate these Club kids..they need a longer learning curve than ours (wealthy school district kids), but once they get it..there is no stopping them!"

And she is right.

Our Organic Gardening Venture

Warning: If you are not interested in gardening. Don't bother to read this entry.

Over the years, the boys and I have succeeded and f-a-i-l-e-d (with a big fat F) in a series of gardening projects. When we first moved to Bandera it was shortly after a flood. The soil was rich with nutrients. The weather co-operated..and we paid attention to our garden.

The Hot Sauce Garden..was it's name. For almost 2 years..we grew and canned tomatoes, onions, pepper and cilantro from our Hot Sauce Garden.
Then? We started neglecting our garden for things like basketball, roller-hockey, gymnastics and karate.

We decided to quit killing plants and deserted the project.

A few years later we tried a raised bed garden on another piece of property. Each boy picked a raised bed and grew what they wanted.

Brian attempted corn and zucchini. The corn was eaten by ants. The zucchini was MONSTER sized.

Austen grew onions and yes..more MONSTER zucchini...and Cody?

Cody grew cotton. For two years he grew cotton. The cotton somehow mysteriously took over the other boxes. (We suspect it was an elf)..and then he abandoned the cotton to start harvesting stickers burrs in his room. (For his enemies)

By now..we had once again abandoned the time and effort for effective gardening.

Each year since then, I have made half-hearted attempts at gardening. The deer and chickens have been grateful. I have fed them well. No human has reaped the benefits of my meager attempts.

So here we are in that Odyssey of the Mind time of year..when I need to find a project to keep me busy. And? I will be home full-time in a few months and can actually maintain the garden.

I do not sit and meditate well. I think as I spend a year on reflecting and discerning..gardening may be more practical for me on many levels. Besides, as Big B pointed out, I need something to keep me from meddling in the kids affairs. Big B offers to help in creating a raised bed garden in another area of the yard..that will be protected from wildlife and free-range chickens by (gasp) a fence!

I have spent a few weeks planning. (yet another new idea..this developing a plan thing).

First is location. We have recently planted a variety of fruit trees along our fence line. I would like to have the garden in range of the fruit trees. I would like to see the garden from our deck and I would like the kids to be able to wander through the garden.

Aha..we will plant the garden around the kids trampoline. (yes..the boys still use our trampoline frequently) This way... the boys can "bounce in the garden." Hee hee..I think I'm funny. How cool is that?

I would really like to have an effective organic garden. I have decided to start with 3 raised beds that are 12 ft. X 4 ft. wide. I am building the beds this week!

I research on compatible plants..and try to match that with realistic taste-buds in our house.

So this is it. Our tentative plan.

African Marigolds in all boxes to help with unwanted pests.

Box 1: Basil- beans, cabbage, marigolds, peppers and tomatoes
Box 2: Chamomile- mint, onion, squash and zucchini.
Box 3: Cucumbers- broccoli, lettuce, marigold, sunflowers..and possibly more tomatoes. (Depends on space still available)

We are not brave enough to start with more than 3 boxes. If we managed to survive the summer..we will add 3 more for the Fall.

I have been interrupted by a trailer delivery for Odyssey projects. Signing off for now.

Grilled-cheese chick.

Margaritaville

Okay. It has been a l-o-n-g time since I have drank much. Last weekend I drank a glass of wine (1 glass!) at a friend's 50th birthday party. It made me sleepy. It was quite pathetic.

Tonight? I drank a margarita..no..two. Three? My children say it was three. (I'm not so sure they aren't telling me a story).

It was sure long overdue!

We have been busy.

Busy waiting.

For the past month. I have spent two to three days a week sitting in waiting rooms of different family physicians, gastro-interologists, cardiologists and eye-doctors. It has given me some time to spend with each of my sons and my husband. But it involves a lot of, well, waiting.

We discover that Austen may be following in brother Brian's footsteps with some red-flags for keratakonus. He is still too young to tell. What can we do? Wait (and wear his glasses).

Our washing machine broke. How long did we wait? 2 weeks. 2 weeks without a washer? Lot's of waiting. Waiting for the machine to be fixed, and waiting in laundromats. Oh well. I got to read some unusual magazines and do a lot of people watching.

I have agreed to be on the Call Committee at our church in our search for a new Pastor. Our interim has graciously extended his stay for 14 months. It appears our congregation is looking for St. Peter on roller skates. I think we will be waiting for a while.

On a more positive note. Austen has a job. He can only work 20 hours a week because he is still 15. He has been doing maintenance and will be a lifeguard for the Flying L Water Park. He is very excited...and worn out from fixing cracks and painting bridges. Me? I just wait for him in the car at the end of each work-day. While I read miscellaneous magazines..or simply listen to the wind howl on the Flying L. Dude Ranch.

Big B and Cody have made a tentative offer on a small property and building for Cody's Euro-Trans Automotive. There is a numbers game going on and we are..you got it..waiting..to hear back from the Realtor.

Big B also fell off our 4 wheeler last weekend. Big B managed to roll the bike over himself as well as burn his hand on the exhaust. He has been home for a week. It has made for an interesting week.

And finally there is Odyssey of the Mind.

The Central Texas Regional Tournament is next week. Today (the last weekend before the competition) I met with 4 of the teams. I cannot help them in any way. It is the beauty and the frustration of coaching OM teams. You see kids learn skills and problem solving techniques you can never imagine...and you see kids destroy those solutions on a whim because they are children.

As coaches..all you can do is be supportive and wait for the kids to solve solutions that are glaring at you. Sometimes, kids find simple solutions. Sometimes..if you wait long enough, they find solutions far more elegant than you (as a coach) can ever imagine. Usually? They simply run out of time.

So I return from a day at the Club where I have supervised 4 teams. It is not one of my better days. I am not as patient as I once was. I threaten to send kids home for just playing (and I am a HUGE advocate of play). I ask them if they are serious? I ask them to tell me, just exactly, when they think they will have x, y or z finished. I return home and vow to never do this again.

I know I don't mean this. But I also know I am not being fair to the kids on these teams.

I return home to a dinner invite from some dear friends.

Big B and I gladly accept and drag two of the three teens along...and what do you know? They restaurant is have a margarita special with any entree. Our order was late..so another free margarita.

The boys drove us home after (ahem) waiting for us. Now there's a change in pace.

It has been a long time since Brian or I have visited Margaritaville. It's a nice place to visit.

Wouldn't want to live here.

I hope I am much nicer tomorrow.

Cast of Characters-in 6 Words

It all started with a challenge to e.e.cumming to write a novel in 6 words.

His reply?

for sale. new baby shoes. unused.

There have been a series of books, magazine articles and curriculum plans floating around lately that encourage this way of clearing your thoughts, editing your words, etc. Thought we'd have some fun with it.

For starters, the backdrop, our home.

chickens, laundry, wind chime, books, tea (home)

Members of la familia would be...

amused and bemused, celebrates all people
(Big B)

humbled by Grace, aspiring agape love
(me/Nicole)

Goofy. Elegantly connects dots of life.
(Brian-Scott)

Sensitive, sullen, hooligan. Flashes of Genius.
(Cody)

Fun loving. Reader. Deep thinker- Underestimated.
(Austen)

This is actually pretty fun. I challenge you to create your own family cast of characters-in 6 words. (no more/no less)

Authentic, Available and Affirming?

In a recent youth ministry class, we were reminded that the key to developing all relationships was to be authentic (like don't try to be who you're not), available (like not just show up..but show up ready to play/listen) and affirming(like sincerely..back to the authentic part). At the time I was thinking "well duh". But upon further reflection, I realized just how far I had removed myself from these basics with my own children in my own home.

As I have de-cluttered (still throwing out 26 things a day!)..I stumbled upon a bunch of old pictures. It is very bitter-sweet. Looking at these pictures. The boys are growing up so fast..and I am proud of each and every one of them. But I also found myself thinking when did we stop doing this..when did we fill our days with busyness? We still love each other..we still care for each other..but we have really drifted apart. All of us. Yes..the kids are off doing there own thing..but more than that..we are unavailable for each other.

(Cody showing Austen how to play a chord and Austen, Cody and Devin dyeing cascarones 3 years ago)

This all came at the same time that I had a real wake-up call with one of the boys here at home. This child of mine showed my just how unavailable I have become over the past few years.

It all happened innocently enough. I took a part-time job. We talked about it as a family..and we did this together. Part-time turned to full-time. Full-time turned back to part-time..but then I quickly filled that time with school, ministry, volunteerism. As things became crazier and crazier, I became less and less available. I forgot to be even remotely affirming.I piled on the responsibilities..and forgot to say thank you.

I quit saying.."I like the way you made the lasagna. What did you add?" And began saying."Oh..and don't forget we have 6 extras tonight..and why didn't you make bread to go with it?" I did manage to stay authentic! I made my statement loud and clear. I am too busy and why can't you do more to help. (ouch)

I keep adding on the kids responsibilities at home, so I can help others outside our home. I know we have established a strong relationships..a strong team identity. But I forget to keep the communication open on the home-front. 3 years later, I am shocked at how far I have drifted.

As I am reflecting on all of this, I stumble across a small statement in a Mothering magazine at my friend Carol's (Sardine Mama) house:

There is always something to do. There are hungry people to feed, naked people to clothe, sick people to comfort and make well. And while I don't expect you to change the world, I do think it's not asking too much for you to love those with whom you sleep, share the happiness of those whom you call friend, engage those among you who are visionary and remove those from your life who offer you depression, despair and disrespect.
(poet Nikki Giovanni)

So..it is official. I resign from the Boys and Girls Club this May. I need to tie-up some loose ends. I will enjoy this time at the Club..as well as this time with Kairos. Then no more weekend ministries, no more work. I am, however, continuing with the pastoral ministry training program. But keeping it on the academic level at this time.

Right now I want to be with my family in a true spirit of affirmation, availability and authenticity.

Preparing for Kairos... a time of reflection.

Not too much has changed around here. Everyone is still doing the same things. I continue to declutter 26 things a day..and after 3 weeks of decluttering..I can honestly say, you can now take 1 entire step into my closet!
But it is not just physical stuff being decluttered. I am slowly preparing for a year at home. A year in which I hope to listen and sort through a (mid)lifetime of experiences before writing an honest/concise spiritual autobiography for the candidacy committee of the ELCA. I am preparing for a year of discernment, so to speak.
For now, though, I have the opportunity to serve on my first Kairos team (inside support..I count cookies). Kairos International is an Ecumenical Prison Ministry whose basic them is "listen, listen, love, love." This is not a weekend about preaching or convincing, but about sacrificing personal needs to be in control and to truly listen with our hearts.
To do this effectively team-formations are a place to "shed our self interests and put on the cloak of humility, obedience, sacrifice, vulnerability, and love - the face of Christ Himself."
..and I have to say that in just one team-building (a few more to come), I was truly humbled by the openness, honesty and vulnerability of those more experienced members of the team.
I realize that I need to take a long hard look at the more troubling parts of my life. Those wilderness/valley experiences so to speak. I need to be completely honest with not just others, but first myself. I need to be honest about things I'm still not sure I understand. I need to look long and hard at the more painful aspects of my life and let myself be vulnerable.
I am trying to look honestly at the difficulties(culture shock) I had to adjusting to life in the United States in early elementary-school years. To the grief for my obasan, to whom I never got to say a proper farewell. Grief for unknown outcomes of 2 foster-brothers and 2 foster-sisters.
I am still processing things I saw in Romania over 20 years ago.
I need to be honest about a time in my early 20's when I became so overwhelmed by the injustices in the world that I spiraled into a pattern of behavior of which I am not proud. I need to acknowledge that I was on the verge of a nervous break-down. I realize (now) that I was trying to carry the weight of the world on my own shoulders, which resulted in my spending 3 days wandering the streets of Berkeley and San Francisco before dropping out of a college I truly loved.(How's that for a run-on sentence?)
I fumbled into more ridiculous behavior after dropping out, only to find myself married and with a child just over a year later.
An assault by an ex-boyfriend. The suicides of two childhood friends. The loss of a dear adult-life friend to Lupus. The loss of a close relationship with a sister who is still a recovering addict, and the realization that the fact that I am not the one who is an addict or an alcoholic, is merely luck of the dice.
These are the places I need to visit as I de-clutter and allow myself to be vulnerable..and it is hard. Because, despite appearances, I am actually a fairly private person.
I have been truly blessed by strong family, friends and various faith communities throughout my entire life. I have been blessed with a husband and three children who have taught me much about how to live life to the fullest. Overall, life has unfolded fairly easily for me..and for this I am grateful. But I need to spend some-time reflecting on these more painful parts..to see those places where I truly believe God carried me through.
Because only then..in true humbleness and vulnerability am I open to really listen.