Because honestly? I had fallen into a deep, dark emotional abyss. It sort of snuck up on me. I found myself making a series of mistakes...some not so bad..and then some real doozies. And I found myself wondering..how the heck did I get here? I became completely emotionally absent to all the people who I care about. I was in self-preservation mode..and it was not pretty.
I spent some time in therapy, reading, journaling..doing a LOT of self reflection. I pulled a lot of weeds, journaled, obsessed with the life of Audrey Hepburn..as in read over 5 biographies, etc...I pulled more weeds, journaled, I watched endless reruns of the old Battlestar Gallatica..I pulled more weeds...and then? Well, I got bored with all of that introspection..(yes..i have a short attention span) .and I have slowly been reclaiming a stronger, more authentic version of myself.
I had to admit that in the realm of bad ideas..running day-care out of the house was one of the biggest bad ideas I have ever had. NOT a reflection on the kids or their families. Just a bad fit for my overall temperament. I have come to realize that I have a high need for risk-taking, adventure and affection (to have and to give) and that if I don't utilize these needs in a positive way..well...disaster strikes!
And as much as I enjoyed the exploding diaper band..i was going stir crazy.
So..I have returned to working with at-risk youth. I am now working for a Teen Center in S.A...and I LOVE it! I was accepted to graduate school at O.L.L.U. but am delaying my entrance until Spring due to financial and time constraints. I continue volunteering at the prison...and am slowly reengaging in living and celebrating the lives of my family and friends.
I am slowly joining the land of the living
..and by the way? I have no idea why some of this is highlighted in white.
1 comment:
I am so glad that you have had your time to decide what you need and how to go about getting it in a positive way. Much love to you!
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