The Fly and I

I am here to tell you of my latest journey into humbleness...and how one lone fly..I have named him Freddy.. has now become my constant companion.

I see that visions of me as Pig Pen are floating through your head. Please know..that it is ONE fly...and I truly hope I do not have a swirl of dirt floating around me. But honestly? Anything is possible.

What was supposed to be my journey into the world of boxing..of learning the tools (both physical and mental) to fight both in and out of a ring. My journey into awesomeness and more self-sufficiency.

 Instead, it appears to be yet another journey into humility and more humility. (yes..I do get that these too may be greatly related)

 It started with a broken foot. It started when I tripped on my own jump rope while jump roping in my kitchen...before I ever made it to the boxing ring. It was in pre- pre- pre -training that my journey really began.

It's not the doctors at the clinic openly laughing at my lack of gracefulness...or the orthopedist surgeon who was trying so kindly to surpress laughter at my attempts to jump-rope. It's not that my family felt inspired to write things on my cast like "Hey BIGFOOT", "Don't Do Your Own Stunts" and the like.

It's not that I went to work and could not get up or down the stair case in less than 10 minutes, or that I could fold a load of laundry, wash 5 dishes, throw another load in the wash and realize I was done for the day.

It's not that Big B bursts out into laughter at least once a day. Pure..can't catch his breath, tears pouring out of his face laughter...as he teases between gasps for air..what kind of break did the doctor call it? I try to ignore him...No..tell me..please tell me (more laughter, crying and gasping for air)

a dancer's fracture I say in as monotone a voice as I can muster.

More hysterical laughter and tears. I am so glad my clumsiness can create such delight in this man. This man I remind myself that I CHOSE to marry..in a conscious state even.



The ultimate road to humility, however,started with the hours upon hours, day upon day, night upon night..that I spent sitting/sleeping in the lazy-boy in my living room with a fly buzzing around my head.

 I would be sitting in my living room. Enjoying the absolute silence with my stack of books...and the fly would come. He buzzes..I swat..the fly goes just out of my reach..and as soon as I start to read again..BZZZ BZZZ.

Will you go away? I ask the fly.

He lands on my toes..the ones sticking out of the cast. You suck, I tell him.

We play this game for hours. I name him Freddy.

As soon as another human enters the room..Freddy mysteriously vanishes. (He must suspect I would ask someone to squash him)

Then? Late at night, when the house is once again quiet  and I am almost asleep..amidst my Tylenol and Benadryl induced mini-coma...I here him come back. Bzzz. bzzz..

The insane attempt to swat him continues. Freddy seems to think this is a great game. I cover my head with a blanket. Freddy lands in his favorite spot, on my toes. The toes I can't wiggle him off of, because, while I am still lucky enough to feel..I cannot move.

This nonsense continues for days..for nights..then one day? Freddy dares to hang out when a human friend comes over for coffee.

I hear him buzzing..my friend is getting us both a cup of coffee. Freddy lands on my foot. I want to tell him..go away. You are not invited. So...Freddy goes INTO my cast before I can inform him of this information.

I choose to ignore him...and then I feel it..the crawling around my ankle. I will have to 'fess up to my friend that a fly is now my constant companion.

Sandy...I think there's a fly in my cast.

No there's not..she says.

Yes..Yes there is.

Sandy comes and inspects in my cast. Nope. No fly there..she says..no room. She assures me it is my imagination.

I agree. I must be losing my mind.

An hour later, my friend leaves. Once again, alone in the quiet of my living room..I pull out my book.
..and then I feel it.

Freddy comes out of my cast..and the buzzing continues.

So now I have a friend. One I did not ask for....my friend sleeps with me, and reads with me..and climbs in my hurts...and shows me what I need to learn about myself.

Freddy, my fly friend, is giving me the greatest Christmas gift of all.

The gift of humility.

Coming out of the Funk...

A friend of mine made the observation several years ago that I seem to have a yearly Holiday Funk. A time between every Halloween and Thanksgiving when I just shut down. Like a mini-hibernation of sorts where I don't leave my house and seem to just disappear for 2 weeks. She called it my Pre-Holiday Funk.

My friend also commented that if I have not had that time to hibernate she would prefer not to be around me as I am too, dang, grouchy. It took me a long time to admit that my friend was right.

And there was about a 5 year span where I did not hibernate...and during this time? I went from stressed, to overwhelmed, to absolutely tanking..to finding a nicer version of myself. I have learned to minimize my work-load and commitment load and be realistic in my expectations of myself.

I have also given myself time to process my entire friggin life. The good, the bad and the ugly. Finally...finally...I am back to a place where I can look ahead with possibilities and dreams. AND..more importantly..I can enjoy the now.

So here is my now for this time in my life. I am watching as Levi throws dirt around the yard. Levi is 3 and (a quote stolen from another blog) like a hummingbird on crack. It is exhausting. Yet he is precious, sincere, and completely open hearted. What is not to love?

Cody is still living in our tree-house. We get to enjoy his company over a couple meals a week and occasionally during a t.v. show or before he leaves for school in the morning. I am treasuring these stolen moments with him before he leaves us after graduation this next year.

Austen is rarely home. But when he is he is still the chatty, energetic young man he has always been. He has finished bar-tending school and is busy getting passports, etc. for his upcoming adventures.

Big B is sick. He hangs out in the garage, he hangs out around the house and is still spending time with the home-owners association. Big B has been chronically ill for quite some time..and I have finally..finally..quit quietly resenting him for being sick (I just recently recognized I was doing this) and accept that I am really just mad at the disease.

Between Big B and Levi,  I don't leave home often. I work part-time. I volunteer at the prison weekly.  I hang out with the exhausting 3  year old and with Brian...and ironically? It leaves both a lot AND a little time for me.

I found myself exasperated with living a life that constantly felt like it was in limbo. So this time..instead of searching for answers in places I can't find them.. I turn to scripture...and I was repeatedly reminded to CHOOSE LIFE. To put my worries aside. I talked to a few friends at the local prison.....they scolded me for not appreciating what I have (and rightfully so). They prodded me to look beyond my circumstances and then?  I had the opportunity to visit with some friends I had not seen in a while...I was..reminded to (uhh..Frances..this is you ...)  OPEN MY EYES!

And they are right. So...just for fun. I have purchased a book. 365 Daily Indulgences. I have decided to work through this book..one indulgence at a time sort-of like in Julie and Julia...where she cooks a meal a day for a year. Or like a few years ago when I wanted to read through the Great Books Series (I only got 1/4 the way through and GAVE UP) Only now? I just  simply get to do something simple and fun every day for a year.

I figure I will do something everyday...and anyone who wants to join me on any given day is welcome..but honestly?. I'm just remembering how to really enjoy the blessings that surround me everyday.

So until my Amazon order arrives, I wait...and I enjoy the wait. I'm tired of the funk.  So I simply get out and start finding joy in simple things. I start  really appreciating what I have./And what I am having right now..is lunch with Big B, Austen and Levi.

Tacos anyone?

A Big Boy?

My house is full of big boys. Like really big, tall, lankyish boys. Boys (young men) in their late teens and early twenties.Boys who are so busy working and schooling and socializing and working again we rarely see. But  our home also inhabited by a "little man" who is not so tall. A "little man" who is striving to be a BIG BOY

As a matter of fact, this little man wants to be a "big boy" so much that he regularly lies to those who ask him his age. He will streak around the back deck, singing at the top of his 3 year old lungs..but when asked how old he is..he will get very serious and somber and say 3..actually 4..actually 6. Yes. I 6!

 That is his story and he is sticking to it!

Normally this would not alarm me. As a matter of fact, almost nothing our little man has done has alarmed me. I think I became desensitized years ago with the older, taller big boys. I trust that as long as Levi is safe and relatively happy, then all is good. Now here's the thing. The school year has started. I watch as all the Club kids start the school year. I watch the local homeschool co-op kids gather with excitement for this year. I am pleased we are not part of the hustle and bustle. But I also wonder (once again) if we are leaving him out of something exciting. Friends ask, "now how old is Levi? Will you be sending him to school?" I admit. Probably not. Still. I start imagining (not even realistic imagining) what "other" 3 year old early pre-school/late toddlers may be doing in the U.S. Even as I do this in my head. I know I should stop..yet..I just. can't . help. myself.

I watch Levi. My lying, little big-man..who is plopped on my bed, surrounded by trucks and watching t.v. I think... "oh my."

Levi IS happy. I can give him that...and I trust that he will truly develop at his own space.He's just different. The first year or two of his life we made an effort to take him on nature walks and expose him to lots of people, music and love. Then? Well..I started working..more..and more..and more.

With our older kids we had a lot of child-led learning until they were like...12. But I also REALLY limited their time in  front of electronics until they were ....teens. Levi? Yup..definately a t.v. kid. By the age of 3 the other boys were helping me with small chores and spending hours outside. Levi? Yup...definately turning into the indoor type. Why? I wonder. And I know it is because it has been hot. I have been tired and cranky for the past 2 years. We have let him run amuck indoors as much as possible. And we take him out for an hour or two a day. It usually involves collecting chicken eggs, swimming or going to the lake. End of story.

Add our laziness to his temperament.  He is active, yes. He is also a pleaser. Levi has learned to please us by staying out of the way. And in the process? He has become quite comfy in my air-conditioned bedroom, surrounded by trucks and pillows while jumping on the bed with his eyes glued to the screen. I think I can safely say, it is now his favorite past-time.

So Big B, my sister and I sit down and look at this boys future. No we are not starting formal schooling with him in any shape or form. But..I don't know..potty-training would be nice? Cutting back on the t.v. has got to happen. He is becoming addicted to the little screen in my bedroom. He likes to pretend my bed is a truck..pile all his toys on the bed..and watch various shows (usually Power Puff Girls or My Little Pony) for hours on end. And while there is nothing wrong with a little t.v. watching default activity..this habit of his has become a (YIKES) routine. And yup..I'm the one that encouraged it.

The 3 of us come up with a consensus of where we hope to see him over the next few months. Learning to use the toilet would be nice. But more important. How about shoot for 5-6 hours a day of outdoor play, continuing to join us for family meals and starting some daily "chores." That is it. His goals for the year. None of which he has helped to set but seem to be in his best interest according to..well..us. The adults in his life who care deeply for him.


So today we wake up early. We have a talk. I call it the "big boy talk." I had it with all of the boys when they were  2 or 3. Usually because there was another baby on the way. Not the case with Levi..

We discuss..underwear. Like this time we should really not just wear them for decoration but because big boys wear underwear. He nods and grins in agreement. And Big Boys help mom/Aunt Nicole with laundry, cooking,cleaning and walking the dog. He is excited. And they still help Uncle Brian collect chicken eggs and work on cars (he's got this part down). AND..they play outside. A LOT. And turn the t.v. off until almost dinner time.

The grin stops. Dead silence. Then a look that is..well..like this.

 How 'bout..I not be 6. How bout' I be 3. He pats me on the back and says It's okay..I have time.

Out of the mouth of babes. Yes. Levi. You do. All the time in the world.

 But now? Naked, underwear or diapers..I really don't care. This 'little big-boy' and I are shutting off the t.v. (it's 9 oclock ) and are  headed outdoors.

At first he is..annoyed. Resistant. We decide to take the dog for a walk. I head toward the Pecan Grove we used to walk in. Before I go any further in this story, I would like to point out that I am a city girl. Now..back to heading towards the pecan grove with the dog and the boy. We hear a rattle. I'm pretty sure it's a rattle. Maybe it's a locust.

I'm pretty sure it's a rattle snake. mom..a snake says Levi. I consider turning back. Maybe we should start our outdoorsyness tomorrow. Our brave guard dog, hides behind me. I have to give her credit..she does at least knock Levi out of what she considers danger.Yup says Levi in an authoritative voice as he shakes the dirt off himself and stands back up while holding onto Laeyla (the dog). It's snake. I remind myself that a year of watching Power Puff Girls and My Little Ponies does not make Levi an expert.

We take a long way around the bush and continue to our Pecan Grove. As we start to enter it is shady. Almost like a jungle or a forest. Yup. It's dark..states Levi...as he imagines whatever he is imagining in the same jungle I am seeing. I remember I have heard recent reports of bobcats in the area. I'm pretty sure this is where a bobcat would hang out. Have I mentioned I'm not a country girl? Laeyla  decides our ridiculousness is enough. We follow her lead into the Pecan Grove.

Then? Things begin to change. I remember a time not to long ago, when I enjoyed this walk. And then Levi looks at me with a sparkle in his eyes. I wonder if he could possibly remember doing this before. Let's go to the caves, he states.

I am stunned. We have not been to "the caves" (holes in the dirt on a nearby ledge) since he was 2. We head to the caves.

The rest is history. We spent hours at the cave. We even came home and made a lunch to eat in the cave. As I am walking on our second trip to "the caves', I enjoy feeling his little hand in mine, smelling his sweat mixed with dirt and listening to him discuss bugs and cactus. I am reminded of how lucky I am. And remember what I used to think with the older boys. It wouldn't matter if the best school (pre-school/day-care, etc.) in the planet was next door. I wouldn't trade this time with him for anything. Levi's words from earlier float through my mind It's okay..I (we) have time...

Lunch leads to hot and tired. WE return home for a swim. Now? After cooling off in the pool after our caving adventures.

 Levi wants to paint. I have to admit..in all my negligence of this little big-man..I have managed to paint with him consistently.
 
I am thinking how nice it is. It is quiet. He is busy. I start to chat and Levi scolds me. The big boy informs me he is in the zone. I'm like really? I realize he is serious

So I end the morning marveling at the irony of having "big boy" talks with my little men..now of which Levi is included when I want nothing more for them than to enter adulthood with a strong foundation of innocent childhood awe and wonder.

Discovering Treasure Island

  Several months ago, Big B and I decided to try out the boat he had spent the past year refurbishing. We headed to a nearby lake. Except there was a small problem. A South Texas drought problem. We arrive at lake number 1 and realize we could not get the boat into the lake-turned-puddle. Then lake number 2..same problem. This had turned into a quest. A scavenger hunt of sorts. A few phone calls were made and we heard a rumor of a lake that we could actually launch a boat in.

At this point, we no longer cared about actually boating. It was the hunt that had become our afternoon adventure. So we took off. No one seemed to know exactly how to find this lake. Ramps were closed, what used to be public was now private. And my map-quest? Well this is where things got really interesting. It sent us through some weird subdivisions..then over a  bridge...and then we see it. The lake..and a sign into yet another subdivision (that is on an actual mini-island..hence the bridge crossing) We enter into the subdivision as we pass a sign that says Welcome to Treasure Island.

We both grin. It becomes clear that there are only private boat ramps and we have no business being on treasure island. But who cared? This was just cool. We viewed homes and oohed and ahhed at people's lake-houses. I suddenly had that feeling..that de-ja-vu in forward motion instead of reverse. That says...this is your future. I look at Big B. He grins. We both agree we will retire here. We don't know how...but it is just a feeling. The same feeling that landed us in Bandera. There was no rhyme or reason to it. And since we have already established through our married life history that all our major life decisions are made on impulse..it makes sense that our retirement will be no different.

Look. says Big B. I like this one...and then we hear the map-quest navigator voice on my phone... You have arrived.

We grin again..and then return home.

Later I google the place. The cheapest home in that neighborhood is something I will only afford if I win the lottery. Like a HUGE lottery.

And then I thought Really Nicole? What is wrong with you? What does Treasure Island have that you don't already have?

I came up with nothing other than neighborhood tennis courts and a lake. But hey..we have a backyard pool and a river (okay..at the moment..another puddle). Our neighborhood is smaller...much more scaled down..mostly mobile homes. But we have decks and porches and fenced in play-area...and tree-house and space..so    much    space.  I was reminded that if I can't appreciate what I already have, I probably wouldn't appreciate what I could have either.

So then I took it a little further and started thinking about life in general. I have been so. Hmm..how to say it...

Not. nice.

These past few years have been rough for me. Sort-of an emotional roller-coaster, actually. And I have spent a lot of time doing massive journaling, and soul-searching and basic mid-life crisising.

It is not a secret that Big B has been sick for awhile. Our lifestyle has changed quite a bit over the past few years, and earlier this year (like around Christmastime) things were looking really bad for Big B. I started wondering what we could do to help him enjoy the quality of his life. He and I talked about this..and then it was like. Hey, why do we have to wait until someone is deathly ill before we start living life. What if you get better? Can't we STILL enjoy life? And (thank goodness) he IS much better. But we made a short-list of things he really wanted to do.. And when I say short..I mean short. Big B's list Fix his boat and just relax more.

Then I started thinking about the lotto. About how we always make plans for what we would do if we won the BIG BUCKS. Just like when looking at the end of one's life...you start saying what you would or wouldn't do differently. I thought..why? Why do we have to win a lot of money to do these things. Can't we give to these organizations, spend more time with family, treat ourselves to good books and time for ourselves in smaller ways now?

During the time I was contemplating life in general, my job at the Teen Center became crazy hectic. Over time, the job I sincerely loved became something I started dreading. For a number of reasons I started resenting my time at the Center and I felt myself turning into someone I didn't want to be. I realized that what I personally wanted out of life was the ability to live a life loving fearlessly and trusting my own personal integrity. I realized  the roadblocks to this life were within me. Specifically my own self-righteousness, unforgiveness and over-extended busyness. I began journaling like CRAZY.

During my time journaling (which I still do, by the way) I realized that self-righteousness is a lot like clutter-blindness. It just sort-of builds up and you don't realize it. For me..self-righteousness took the form of being "too busy" doing important things that I couldn't take the time for the people who were the closest to me. My family.

One afternoon I found myself journaling about who I was at the age of 10. You know when you are at that age of being almost aware of the tough stuff of adulthood but clinging to childhood with a vengeance. When the future holds so many possibilities.

 I made a list of things that I did, or dreamed of being at that age. I spent hours in trees by myself, just day-dreaming. I played music. I read a lot. I wrote a lot. I envisioned myself a budding social-activist. I collected stamps. I read the bible.  I spent a fair amount of time just hanging out with friends. I thought..what happened to that person?

I realized I had compromised so much of who I was to accommodate others. So I quit my job. A job I love but left me no time to just. be. me.

The universe has opened up a temporary job that is leading into a part-time job for me.  I also get to be a part of a community center project that is still in it's infancy stage. This center holds so many possibilities....  I now have the time to enjoy my family. To read. To write. To continue playing music and discussing theology with my brothers-in-white at the local prison. To just hang out with my family..and to read all the Holy Books. (currently reading through the Old Testament  stories in Genesis and the Quran..because I am just sort-of geeky that way)

 But most importantly, I have time to continue breaking down the barriers of self-righteousness and unforgiveness I have slowly built up ..intentional or not..over a lifetime. To live a life of fearless love.

And yesterday? Yesterday..I had the opportunity to hang out with some of my elementary school friends...like the ones I knew when I was 10.

 It was great! We had a chance to revisit stories of various nuns, priests and lay-teachers that helped shape our childhood. We gossiped about those that (ahem) could not make it. Shamelessly by the way. We briefly talked politics and then touched on some of the emotional high or low points of the past couple decades.

This morning I was holding Levi during our "snuggle time". It's a morning routine. I hold my "snuggle bug" and we watch something obnoxious on t.v. together. We watched Daniel Lion's Neighborhood. (which for those of you not in the know? Is the new, cartoon version of Mr. Roger's Neighborhood). As I held him...resting my chin on his head and listening to the sound of him sucking his thumb. I thought to myself  the search is over. Here I am. Living in my own TREASURE ISLAND.

My navigator was right...ready or not?

I have arrived.

ADVENTURE!

Wow.

How time flies...

"ADVENTURE!" That is one of Austen's favorite sayings. When he is taking off to hang out with friends. "Adventure!" When something goes wrong? "Adventure".

And this past month..has been one heck of an Adventure!

So..we start with our adventurer. Austen is finished with highschool!

 We celebrate with a small ungraduation party at Dave and Busters. Then? Austen heads to girl-scout camp for his 3rd summer as a girl-scout. His first weekend home? He looks like this!

Austen's plans after camp?

 Bar tending school, work and then off to Australia for a year to bar tend his way from Sydney to Adelaide (or something like that). Rumors abound that he would like to head to Corpus Christi to study culinary arts on his return from his oversees adventures. What better time in his life than now to try these things? We are fully supportive of his choices.

Here is Austen before the blue hair.
Where he had cleaned up really nice for....

   Brian and Angee's wedding!!!

Absolutely amazing wedding..if I do say so myself! And (ahem) that is a completely unbiased opinion. I am so happy for both of them. And now? I have an extraordinary daughter-in-law. Lucky me!

But honestly? Austen was not the only graduate this year. My nephew Calvin graduated and is heading to Northwest Vista this Fall to study 3D animation. And then..well..we have Angee and Brian. Angee is now off to med school while Brian works full time for a company he really enjoys.

Not to be left out of our family adventures is Odio. Cody has been the silent supportive rock in all of this. He has transported babies, run numerous errands and tonight? He is hooking up a Roku to the t.v. in my room so Big B and I can spend the summer vegging in front of the t.v. watching movies and playing Angry Birds. And? The kiddo is doing all of this while working full time and going to summer school.

As for me and Big B? We are utterly exhausted. We have, however, been enjoying a few weekends here and there to find a lake. You know..the ones that still have water in this S.Texas drought. We are enjoying this time to just. hang. out.

Warrior Princesses...

Once upon a time this grilled-cheese-chic attended a warrior princess school. For you see, I am actually a dragon slayer..and at this school..we had grand adventures..and learned to play ninja, and read paper-bag princess..and I met all sorts of warrior princesses, and other dragon slayers, and queens of enchanted forests and stuff. And this weekend? A few of us had a little rendezvous. (Think Knights of the Round Table)

I can't give you too many details. What I can do is say this weekend involved...knife confiscation at an undisclosed airport, midnight airport runs, Rio's Brazilian Cafe', lots of Theo Chocolate, attitudinal bandannas,  hanging out on S.Congress (in Austin), sometimes easy and sometimes down-right frightening obstacle courses, lots of mud..and more mud..and more mud. It also involved an understanding that the force (of so many other women..and men) was with us. We have deep and silly conversations over hot tea, simultaneously. The only other things I can say are  Abbot Road, lightning bolts..complete with sound effects, and deep shifts on a cellular level. Also? We find a secret treasure..(apologies Bethlehem..we found it after you flew back to your castle)..Dr. Seuss's secret collection, complete with a prayer for a child. But the best treasure of all?

We remembered who we are.

Spring Cleaning? Epic Fail..

I had a plan for this weekend. It involved deep cleaning, decluttering and lots of laundry. What can I say? Best laid plans and all of that...

I do, however have a new dog. Her name is Laeyla. Laeyla is my new running/walking/biking companion.She was given to me by one of the Teen Center families..with the instruction to run/walk her 3-5 miles a day. Perfect! I say.This will force me to be accountable and get into shape!

 You see, I am a big fat chicken. We live out in the country..sort-of. And I am too scared to run/bike/walk by myself when there are not humans around.  No human in my family cares to go on running/walking/biking adventures with me...so now I have Laeyla.

Our first morning was great! I hopped on my new/used bike...and we were off. Then I discovered that..Laeyla could just pull me. Well, I think to myself, this is pretty slick...workout..shmerkout..how cool is this? And then it happened. Laeyla picked up speed..and ran faster and faster...and I discovered my breaks didn't work. Stop.I order..as I start dragging my sneakers in the dirt to slow us down. Laeyla gives me a puzzled look and slows down..but my bike doesn't..Laeyla picks up speed again. Stop.I say through insane laughter..because we are quite a pathetic site! Thankgoodness no humans are around! And then I remember. Laeyla understands Spanish..Oh shizzz... Como se dice..stop? 

Alto...alto..I say through gaining hysteria. Laeyla stops.

I get off the bike and we walk it back to the house. Then I start to run with her..only I'm really out of shape. So we run/walk another couple miles. This morning Levi decides he wants to go with us..so we walk..through the pecan grove..and to the caves.

 Big B promises to fix my bike today. I am starting to suspect my family is on to something when they refuse to walk/bike/run with me. What can I say? Laeyla..is apparently patient and loyal. Thank God.

As for cleaning. I admit defeat and opt to enjoy the chaos of family life. We have lots of pleasant visits from family and friends. A spontaneous fish-fry on Friday night. Brian and Angee visit Saturday a.m. It rains. I have a toddler, a dog and lots of mud. Then Sunday is beautiful. Perfect, for cleaning. Instead, we hang out with family friends and barbecue. Why? Because it is more fun.

Here are Austen and Laeyla getting acquainted in the kitchen.


Levi takes over the dining room table with his trains.

Cody and Ellie fix sandwiches before heading out to kayak.

Levi insists on one more photo. Here you go kiddo!

Maybe I'll spring clean in April?

The shortest camp-out..ever!

I think it's time. states Big B.

Time for what?.. I ask, learily..

You know...camping. Big B states incredulously..as in how could I not know? The little man needs to go camping.

I ask Cody if he would like to go with us. Cody informs us he is busy. Yes...absolutely busy that night..whenever it is.

Austen informs us he is going "real" camping with his friends at Mason's ranch.

So Big B, Levi and I make a trial run...in our backyard.

First we check out the R.V.- which is parked in the driveway. In all fairness, we did plan to go to a nearby campground. They were just all full...so we decided camping in the backyard was the way to go.

Once settled, we go for a walk. Little man stampedes threw the pecan grove and shows off his mad running skills. Then we walk along the river..then?We spy on deer. And let's face it. No camp-out is complete without discovering cactus! After cactus exploration?

 We head to "the caves".The caves..were dug out of mini-cliffs by the big boys when they were, well, not. so. big.


Here Big B and Levi pose for a pic in Cave 1.

And now Levi is thinking we might just stay here in the cave.

Big B bribes him out with...another cave!







After Cave exploration we head to our back deck.

You got it. Marshmallows.   S'mores...what more can we ask for?

And then we head back to the R.V...books are read, lights go out...and the Little Man? He informs us..he's done camping now. It's time go home! What can I say? The shortest camp-out in history!

School of Rock and Pothole Parties.

Yup..that is how this year is starting out. School of Rock and Pot Parties. Oops. My bad. That is Pot Hole Parties!

 Big B informed me today that he and one of his neighborhood assoc. partners in crime, have made signs and everything to advertise this  pot-hole filling adventure of theirs. They posted a sign for this party on the entrance to the sub-division. It sort-of reminds me of Tom Huck painting a fence. A few  neighbors have joined them...base has been poured, spread..and more is on the way.

While Big B plays in the dirt? I have continued to hang at the Teen Center. It has been interesting..lot of strange twists and turns with work politics. And while there were a few times last summer where I felt like Arnold Schwarzenegger in kindergarten cop. There were a few weeks during the holiday season when I felt like I was reliving THIS SCENE. In WAY over my head! Only, you know, the teenage version of this scenario.

Better than you

 I finally, spent an afternoon by a lake near the Center.  A little over a year ago, the Center's long-time director passed away at this lake.  I spend a lot of time just sitting still looking at the water, praying..and then I whisper to the  Lake. I wonder if the old director can hear. I ask for guidance.

And then? I pull myself together and get back to work. I focus a lot of energy with our Odyssey of the Mind teams. It is 5 weeks before the regional tournament, so I really can't tell you much. What I can tell you is that we have 14 teens involved in the creation or demolition of toasters, armored cars, trash monsters, dancing penguins and magnetic marble mazes complete with elevators.

And then we have our School of Rock. A month ago we decided to set aside some time on Saturday afternoons to play some rock..just play. Introduce any teens that wanted, some basic chord theory, learn songs they wanted to learn..and just mess around with music. Then one of our maintenance guys informed me he could play some B.B. King..and some Santana. We practiced together a few times during a lunch break. He invited his son and his son's wife to join us. So today? We had fun! 8 teens in one room working on some vocal recordings..a mix of Christina Aguillar and some rap music. We had guitars and keyboards in another room working on La Bamba..and lots of teens planning to bring more instruments next week. Our school of rock..is taking on a life of it's own..and musicians are jumping on board and mentoring/volunteering our kids.

I stood back at one point during the day and watch the teens..some were playing video games, others were dancing (they are ALWAYS dancing), the Odyssey teams had taken over the art room,  a recording session going on in the kitchen and guitars, drums and keyboards in the learning center.

Ultimate coolness.

At home, things are returning to "normal". Cody is back from his mini-vacation with his girlfriend's family. As I type, he and Justin are working on a car in the garage. Austen is back at work at the restaurant, Big B is asleep in front of the t.v., and Levi is organizing his toy cars. Brian and Angee are back in Austin.

So that is my year so far..my husband is talking neighbors into filling potholes, I'm whispering to a Lake for guidance, Odyssey madness has begun, I'm surrounded by a whole unexpected slew of amazing musicians..and my family is home...or nearby.

I am lucky.

weekly menu:
tomorrow (Sunday): make your own omelets
Monday: spaghetti, green beans, bread-sticks
Tuesday: Irish stew, grilled cheese with olive and tomato sandwiches
Wednesday: make your own quesadillas , pot of beans
Thursday: swiss steak mozarella with baked potatoes and salad
Friday: left-overs
Saturday: dinner at Pap's Italian Grill (Big B and I  usually order eggplant parmigiana, and grilled veggies..the big boys? raviolis or huge sandwiches Levi- he likes the eggplant and noodles...lots of dinner rolls for the table)

2013?!

Geez..who said it could be 2013 already?

Hope everyone is well. I mean..really..like, not sick, well. It seems a lot of people are starting the year off with the flu..or strep.

Gotta admit. I was no exception. So to the New Year's Eve guests I abandoned in the middle of the evening.

Apologies. I really did feel like I had Freddy Krueger in my throat. I understand you got along fine without me..you know...blowing things up and drinking Hot Damn shots. For what it's worth, I have started out the year with a mini-hibernation.

3 days in bed. It was wonderful! I think this should be a new tradition...only without the throbbing throat and head.

So now I reflect on the year past, and look forward to the one ahead. This past year was an emotional doozie for many reasons..and if I look at what I thought I would be doing last January..and the way life has played out? I wasn't even in the ball park.

So, I am not even trying to guess what this year will hold. I am coming out of hibernation and entering  a few months of a self-imposed cocoon of work, prison and family. I hope to stay in this cocoon for at least a few months...and maybe come out of the cocoon to meet some college friends for The Dirty Girls Mud Run in Austin this Spring.

I was the lucky recipient of Rosetta Stone Spanish (the whole set!) for x-mas. Since my Spanish is becoming more and more necessary at work, that is my goal for this year. Starting with volume one and working my way through.

Other than that? My only other goal, wish..don't want to call it a resolution, because, quite frankly..I suck at resolutions. Is to feed this family better!

There was a while when i was like a food nazi..that time has long past.

 We have been scrounging or eating junk food for the past several months (sheez..years?!). It is taking it's toll on all of us. But here's the thing..we are a family trying to meet the dietary needs of people affected by Chron's/Colitis, thalesemia-minor, Bickerstaff Syndrome , one vegetarian and a slew of food allergies. It can lead to pure insanity.

 So to keep everyone healthy we need to stay away from processed foods...fix occasional vegetarian meals with options for those who can't eat veggies..and occasional carnivorous meals with some vegetarian options. And this? Takes some planning.

 When I didn't work, we could stick to the Mediterranean diet..and it fit everyone's needs..and tastebuds!  But Mediterranean diet? Takes time. And time..is something we don't seem to have a lot of.

I am not good at planning.

But here we are..and this week? We have a plan! So I thought I would try to post for awhile our menu..you know..just in case there is another family in this universe who are trying to meet the dietary needs of..Chron's/Colitis, thalesemia-minor, Bickerstaff Syndrome, a few vegetarians and a slew of food allergies.

 Then you add your actual cooks. You know, a mom who is more a "get the job done" cook..than a good cook. A dad who is a really good cook...but is sporadic in his cooking. And two young men who make lots of breakfast foods. One toddler who just sprinkles ingredients around the house. Yes, the little man decorated our floor with garlic pepper yesterday and used red-hots as marbles for his train set (don't ask) today.

So here it is. What's for dinner? So glad you asked (just humor me here)

Monday (tonight): baked chicken, green beans cooked in veggie broth and sliced potatoes with onions and mushrooms.
Tuesday: cheese lasagna, spinach salad, french bread
Wednesday: baked fish, wild rice, cooked asparagus and sliced peaches
Thursday: Big B's toasted sandwiches with sliced turkey or roast beef (or not), swiss and or pepperjack cheese, cucumber and olives, (tomato and lettuce optional) with tomato soup.
Friday: left-overs
Saturday: family pasta night..dinner at Pap's Italian restaurant.
Sunday: make your own omelets

Okay..back to my cocoon..where i am watching too many lifetime movies while Big B piddles in the garage, Levi lines cars around the living room..and Austen sleeps! Cody? Still at Ellie's for the holidays.