A friend of mine made the observation several years ago that I seem to have a yearly Holiday Funk. A time between every Halloween and Thanksgiving when I just shut down. Like a mini-hibernation of sorts where I don't leave my house and seem to just disappear for 2 weeks. She called it my Pre-Holiday Funk.
My friend also commented that if I have not had that time to hibernate she would prefer not to be around me as I am too, dang, grouchy. It took me a long time to admit that my friend was right.
And there was about a 5 year span where I did not hibernate...and during this time? I went from stressed, to overwhelmed, to absolutely tanking..to finding a nicer version of myself. I have learned to minimize my work-load and commitment load and be realistic in my expectations of myself.
I have also given myself time to process my entire friggin life. The good, the bad and the ugly. Finally...finally...I am back to a place where I can look ahead with possibilities and dreams. AND..more importantly..I can enjoy the now.
So here is my now for this time in my life. I am watching as Levi throws dirt around the yard. Levi is 3 and (a quote stolen from another blog) like a hummingbird on crack. It is exhausting. Yet he is precious, sincere, and completely open hearted. What is not to love?
Cody is still living in our tree-house. We get to enjoy his company over a couple meals a week and occasionally during a t.v. show or before he leaves for school in the morning. I am treasuring these stolen moments with him before he leaves us after graduation this next year.
Austen is rarely home. But when he is he is still the chatty, energetic young man he has always been. He has finished bar-tending school and is busy getting passports, etc. for his upcoming adventures.
Big B is sick. He hangs out in the garage, he hangs out around the house and is still spending time with the home-owners association. Big B has been chronically ill for quite some time..and I have finally..finally..quit quietly resenting him for being sick (I just recently recognized I was doing this) and accept that I am really just mad at the disease.
Between Big B and Levi, I don't leave home often. I work part-time. I volunteer at the prison weekly. I hang out with the exhausting 3 year old and with Brian...and ironically? It leaves both a lot AND a little time for me.
I found myself exasperated with living a life that constantly felt like it was in limbo. So this time..instead of searching for answers in places I can't find them.. I turn to scripture...and I was repeatedly reminded to CHOOSE LIFE. To put my worries aside. I talked to a few friends at the local prison.....they scolded me for not appreciating what I have (and rightfully so). They prodded me to look beyond my circumstances and then? I had the opportunity to visit with some friends I had not seen in a while...I was..reminded to (uhh..Frances..this is you ...) OPEN MY EYES!
And they are right. So...just for fun. I have purchased a book. 365 Daily Indulgences. I have decided to work through this book..one indulgence at a time sort-of like in Julie and Julia...where she cooks a meal a day for a year. Or like a few years ago when I wanted to read through the Great Books Series (I only got 1/4 the way through and GAVE UP) Only now? I just simply get to do something simple and fun every day for a year.
I figure I will do something everyday...and anyone who wants to join me on any given day is welcome..but honestly?. I'm just remembering how to really enjoy the blessings that surround me everyday.
So until my Amazon order arrives, I wait...and I enjoy the wait. I'm tired of the funk. So I simply get out and start finding joy in simple things. I start really appreciating what I have./And what I am having right now..is lunch with Big B, Austen and Levi.
Tacos anyone?
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